My mother regrets that she married my father and made an ill child from him


#1

She said she wouldn’t have married him, if she knew that he was ill. She blames him for my illness. She regrets that I am ill. And she tends to think that the mentally ill people shouldn’t make kids.
Well, nice for me…


#2

if your father is or was sick

it’s still not a real high percentage that it passes on

we don’t know everything about why we get it


#3

My dad had acute schizophrenia. He doesn’t have it now


#4

She says its genetic. She says to always look for an ill relative if you are ill too. She says I shouldn’t make kids. if I want to be a responsible…


#5

well, maybe we pass on the gene,

but we pass on a lot of genes,

and many are healthy.

I wasn’t full blown til after my kids were born,
but I do worry about my son

he had head surgery (shunt)
someone once told me he had DID.

But no, Anna, you shouldn’t be worried about having kids,
and I think your mother is wrong.


#6

You are right, of course. I am looking my future. But not worrying.


#7

I have the hardest mother on earth for god sake!!! It feels like this. To none of my ill friends, their mothers are not so hard. They are not hard at all. Mine always has her categorical opinions and yes, she regrets married my father… I am ultra complexed now and unhappy. I lived as an hermit for 17 years and she doesn’t see the damages that she does. Its not me who married my father. Plus, I want to live and its still fragile this…I feel like a nature mistake now…


#8

I never complain my mother or my father. But I am not sure about my children. I pray that they will cross age 30 normally. Then I will win this war.


#9

yes, our mothers.

Sz or whatever condition you have (can’t remember)

doesn’t need to define us. Maybe your mother sees you in one light,

and you need to change that.


#10

My Uncle came down with schizophrenia after I was in the World. As for other members of Dad’s family who had it Mom was unaware and Dad possibly too. I don’t know though if schizophrenia was known to be genetic in the 1960’s. My family and i believe my care providers are very much against me having kids. Fortunately I generally agree with them.


#11

life is life is what i say, if i had a child with a woman and it had something wrong with it, it is still our child and we need to care for that child, i figure that i have a very good insight and if by any chance a child of mine develops sz then i am in a better position than most to help him/her,

i was an accident as well, my mothers birth control failed, she told me she felt guilty that i was a mistake but she said i was a happy mistake, i felt bad for a while but got over it, i just thank god i’m alive tbh, i wouldnt be if it was up to my mother lol


#12

Hello @Anna1 .
It seems that your mom has intrusive thoughts.

I had them to a crazy degree, and still have them to a certain degree.

It doesn’t mean that your mother is mentally ill, because often healthy people have some intrusive thoughts,

as well.

I don’t think your mother should have avoided marrying your father.
Remember, there are cases of severe schizophrenia where both parents are fully healthy(such as my case).
It is pointless to blame people.
Regarding mentally ill people having kids, I don’t see a problem with that, but one of the real problems
is that if you have severe mental illness, it is difficult to function and be a good parent.

As for you personally, I don’t know that you will be able to have biological kids, but you can try to acquire

kids through surrogacy, adoption, or any other method.


#13

I think there are worse things than schizophrenia like autism, physical malformations, down syndrome, cerebral palsy, etc.

At least you have a chance to live a normal life for sometime, despite early incidents of the disease. I got sick prematurely at 21.

I think mentally, schizophrenia can cause grave suffering, poverty, and early death. It can cause emotional and financial stress for the family too. But I’m hopeful for the future with new therapies and medicine. It’s not 100 percent genetic. Mine was caused by drugs.

My genetics are good despite a bipolar cousin. I’ve done 23andme testing and I saw a lot of bipolar genes/SNPs.

That being said, I’m not having kids. It’s not solely due to my schizophrenia or the perceived suffering that my child will have with schizophrenia ( at a 10% risk), but it is because I don’t have a job, I don’t have money, and I can’t take care of myself, let alone a child.

Sure, if I was higher functioning, had a career, and money, and a sense of responsibility, I would love to have one or two. But I would feel a strong morally responsibility to the child and to society.

Why raise a kid with no money, with a dysfunctional upbringing, and allowing your kids not have a decent chance at life? I’m not going to rely on the government for raising my kids or have them taken away. It’s completely irresponsible and selfish to have kids solely because it makes you feel better or to pass on your genes.

I don’t think everyone should have kids. Especially those who are not ready. If things get better for me, sure I’ll be open to it. But I have a strong sense of moral and social responsibility.


#14

I hope you can forgive her.

It may be painful for her aswell and frustrating.

Good wishes for your relationship that I think can survive such nasty hurtful words.

I think you should be proud of yourself I think you have been studying and doing well with things.

When others or and parents etc are disappointed in me I am still proud of me because I know myself and they can be in denial about realistically what I can do …

Maybe she was not feeling like she was coping and in her upsetness said things .

My father hated people who do not work and my mum too.

She was a tough chick driving two hours to work in a freezing old car through snow storms to work etc n then two hours back at night.

When I was a child my mum said that I ruined her life and that I’m the biggest mistake she ever made.

The passion of her life broke up with her because of me.

She hated me at that point in time and she may of tried drowning me in the bathtub n told me not to tell anyone or I would never see her again.

I felt very unwanted and unloved as a child and would sob “why does no one love me”.

My father criticised me a lot back then for not being pretty enough and not having long legs and for not being educated etc
Every thing he wanted in a daughter my sister is and everything he did not want and hated I am.

My mum has called me the scum of the earth and other things

My step father I had used to say I’m not a part of their family (my mum brothers n him n even my grandparents who adore him over me …)

I never fit in or belonged with my own family but I know my mum loves me and even my father might surprisingly love me a lot.

My step mum I had n who still helps me n cares for me etc was amazing to me .

She thought I should be in pension while my parents thought I should work.

Maybe she understood or understands and she was different to me than my own parents were are.

I do not love my parents less for hurtful words n bad hurtful behaviour to each other .

I adore em more than I can say n I do not think I live my neigh more than them but differently .

There was a tome as a child I thought of jumping in to hell if that’s where my mum was going just to be there for her …

But I’m a coward in many ways but I adore her so.

I adore the stepmother I had /have
She is not with my father anymore but still is there for me and I see as a parent .
Not in place of my biological parents but as well as could she be a god mother or a angel or a third type of parent
Or a friend but closer than a friend…

My mum n dad need not be jealous of my love for her not my love for my sacred neigh and boyfriend.
I do not love them any less .

Can you see yourself as the calm adult in regards to your mum.
Like you are forgiving her and see her and be understanding and even motherly to your own mother…?

I tried that I think .

Good wishes!

:pray:t3::two_hearts:


#15

Thank you for your post. It prompted me to google mental illness and autism. I have schizoaffective disorder and have three children on the Autism Spectrum. I guess there is a link. I blame myself for their Autism. I consider them blessings though. They are very sweet.


#16

Its just that I am still not proud of myself. I still cant take my independency. Thank you @Zilija1 for your message, you had it hard too with your parents… But I still feel as a rubbish, worse than everything… I don’t argue with my mom anymore, it wasn’t good either… But yes, she sees me as ill and she blames my father which hurts me. I was so down for years, that my back got curbed by all my complexes of inferiority, by the paranoia of the others. I was close to kiss the ground outside because I was feeling so low compared to others… I couldn’t even speak for years. I guess my mother still wants to see me happy finally, but shell always see me as ill.
@daniellef1975, don’t put this thing on your heart. I tend to think that we, the different people, can be amazing even more than the normies…
Well, today I feel as ■■■■ once again, I feel my brain in my head but whatever.
Thank you all!


#17

Thank you and I agree that we are amazing and not less than. 53%20PM_0


#18

I have an autistic daughter who is very disabled mentally and we think her brother is aspberger.


#19

I was diagnosed with Aspergers before I had schizophrenia. It may be a misdiagnosis or a very mild case. It could be viewed as an advantage or something to be proud of. Some aspergers kids are good at math, science, and programming. We just got to work on our social skills. Some are creative in other ways like the arts. I loved playing video games.


#20

If that were true, there would have never been Marilyn Monroe and a lot of other great people. I personally believe there’s more of an environmental factor involved.