So at this point my voices are almost totally gone. The psychotic situation that had them raging has been resolved finally. People are still “telepathic” which is nerve racking and destroys my sense of privacy. That much I’m used to. All effing morning though I’ve been having this conversation with my brain. It’s pretending to be a girl I knew back in college. It’s invasive and destroys that sense that I have privacy in my own home. Really this illness just keeps going. The real problem is I’m so bored and have nothing to do that I get stuck feeding it. Really I just want total silence, I have to force myself to develop a normal mind even with all this stuff going on. I know it can’t be real but at the same time my mind still thinks it could be. Anyone else get this? I really just needed to vent. This definitely seems like a cognitive issue. It seems I am slipping into a state of being split brained. I’m just so used to having this “external” stimulus my mind searches for it. I just can’t think on my own. At least it was a pretty positive and affirming exchange of thought. Really though I just want to be left alone, I want my mind to drift, but instead I’m stuck in this illness.
I’m stuck in a daydream cycle often. Some say that is a good sign. Finding myself breaking the dreams up often with the questions of what am I gaining from this? Is this what I want my life to be like? etc Questions to ask yourself I think.
The storm has passed, I seem to have it under control now.
my mind pretends to be other people all the time or rather, those particular voices actually believe that they are the people they mimic so well
. it’s a very interesting neurolgical phenomenon. disparate identities all vying for control of one mind and body, some dominant and leading attackers, some merely in support of the pack leaders but almost all or all in my case vying for control, either to help or hinder. mine claim to do both. it’s very odd feeling knowing that your mind can conjour up any character seemingly against the host personalities will. i do not want these voices, i do not like their presence and yet here they are.
they have, in actual fact been quiet and infrequent for the last four or five days but it won’t be permanent. even if this near silence lasts for four months, which it has done before on the odd occasion, at some point they will come back full force and be omnipresent again for a few months. it’s almost as if my language centres are in r.e.m sleep still and create the most complex characters even though the rest of my brain is still awake. that’s one theory behind multiple voices. as you know, in your dreams there are many characters, some of whom are known to you, some of whom aren’t. they can walk, converse on any topic, touch, taste, smell and they all have access to your long term memory. they can tell you things that you, yourself have long since forgotten you ever knew. i think that’s half the reason that people sometimes believe in telepathy…
firstly because the mimicry is spot on and secondly they seem to “know” things we don’t or at least do not recall knowing. they are fluent in scare tactics and psychological bullying which is some almost all of us have suffered at some point either in school or kindrgarten and have no memory of. they can “taste” what you eat and will comment on whether it’s any good or not. they can or at least they pretend to do this and smell what you smell, feel your emotions and physical feelings. when explained as being a part of the same brain but with a different identity, see through your eyes and also the imagery in your head. this becomes not only logical but almost a given experience when you have splinter personalities that think they are real people outside your head and are telepathic in nature. i personally know my voices are not real as none of those that talk in the real world seem to e clairvoyant in any way. i hear about 5 or 6 diffferent mel gibson personalities. all differing ages all with different agendas yet in real life mel “gobson” couldn’t see his d.u.i coming nor the release of those rant tapes or he may have been able to stop them from happening if he had any form of fore knowledge yet he’s supposed to be telepathic??? wtf!!
see it just doesn’t make sense when you break it down to just psychology and basic conditioning to talk back to whomsoever talks to you. you know i think that’s half the problem voice hearers have is having to hold internal dialogue with splinters of themselves. your cognitive ability suffers because the voices are using it too to build their sentences and accusations etc…anyway, that’s my take on it x
Thanks Jayne your about the only person who can keep me grounded.
anytime hunni. like you say babe, keep on truckin! x
Two of my voices mimic people I know. Luckily, I do not have much contact with the real life versions of them. I am doing okay with when I am in my apartment, but when I am out and about they bother me quite a bit.
Yeah dude ■■■■ the sz