Schizophrenia.com

My life flashed by my eyes

But ever so slowly. When I was on psychosis. As my voices showed me every bad act. They made me confess it all (and I’m not even catholic). From childhood. And it was like dying. Over and over until I was shamed of my very existence. Looking back I am glad it’s over. I couldn’t even look in the mirror. My mental illness destroyed the person.

Now I’m lost. It’s like I’m an empty shell. They say do things, you will feel better. Emptiness cannot do things.

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That sounds very similar to my psychotic episode. To you believe in the concept of eternal return? That upon your death you’re reborn and you relive your exact life over and over again for all eternity? That concept was very important during my psychotic episode and it was terrifying.

That is indeed a terrifying thought. Sometimes I think, I would do it different next time. But then I am reminded that my life has wound down just like my dreams from childhood said it would.

My focus during psychosis was that entities were devouring my soul and that every self hate or bad thought I had was damaging my soul. Rape. Stuff like that.

please don’t be so hard on yourself @Gwen777 we all would do things differently if we could foresee our mistakes. at least I would. I just have to ignore my thoughts about what I’ve done wrong in my life. can’t change the past. I try to live in the “now”.

psychosis ’ sucks ’
:heart_eyes: humour keeps me sane.
take care :alien:

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Thanks for sharing. Had similar experience and wondered if others went through this. After some time passed with medication and counseling and being around people who could confirm there was something worthwhile in me, was able to overcome most of the negative voices. I think it is like being through a trauma. Be kind to yourself. You are worthy of better things.

One Morning I Woke Up and Lifted Myself From My Waist Up ,

Leaned Forward Towards The End Of The Bed ,

and As My Feet Touched Tha Floor ,

All OF A Sudden My Mynde All The Way Throo My Skull ,

Started Spinning Forward and Backwards ,

I Pushed My Body Forward Towards The Foot Of The Bed ,

and The Spinning Pushed Me Back Towards Tha Bed ,

I Pushed Forward As I Lifted My Body Back Up ,

The Spinning Felt Comfortably Violent ,

I Opened My Inner Eye Widely Open And Looked Throo Tha Ceiling ,

I Seen A Cloudy Blue Sky As An Angel Feathered With Brown Feathers .

and A Sword Was Flying Rite At Me ,

My Skull Spinning Continued ,

and I Lifted Forward As I Fell Backwards ,

Micheal The Archangel Got Halfway Towards Me and I PUSHED ,

I Opened My Eyes Wider and It In A Hairline Split Second Disappeared Completely ,

The Whole Time As The Spinning I Thot I Was Going To Die ,

OW Jus Felt A Quick Electrical Rayzor Pain In My Small Toe ,

Well Either Way Maybe He’s Still Hanging Around As I Lissen To AGALLOCH ,

Thaz My Life Flash Story ECT ECT ECT …

@Gwen777

Well, I had a few times while in crisis where time slowed so much as to almost stand still.

Look the terrible pain I went though ended thirty plus years ago. You’d think I’d bounce back by now, but to an extent I’m still numb. Seriously, sometimes I fault myself for that!

Jayster

I kind of embrace the blank numbness. Feeling alive was great back in the day, but it was a mess as well. I’m still baring a psychosis though. Numbness and blankness is better than the ■■■■ the voices talk about or recalling all the ■■■■ that was involved with that experience. I think numbness and blankness is a good stable platform. I don’t mind being a mechanical being. There is still a lot of humanity to it.

Put on a good song and dance a bit.

I just hate when I get this odd pressure that stems from fear. I don’t want to go back to that psychological mess. If I think to hard I probably will end up repeating all that ■■■■ in my mind and feeling guilty. It’s important to not let it induce guilt, but I’m ready for this to be over, when I fail and slip back into the old mental routine… It bothers me.

Consistency of mind is a hard thing to find after a psychotic experience. I’m trying to figure out how to get there.

Any ways I’m glad you’ve gotten to the other side of this. You’re a champion. Cheers.

WOW! i had the same experience as well!!! , having depression and loosing the sense of myself. I had problems with bad things that i’ve done in the past, the voices made me confess everything to everybody , you should not listen to them, they’re bad voices, you should recover from your past experience and let everybody know how good you are!
Thank you for sharing this with me!You’ve helped me a lot !