Yesterday I got really down and gave in to an urge I’d managed to fend off for several months – I checked the reincarnation subreddit, a place I kept up with faithfully for a while when I was at my worst because, in my mind, reading about reincarnation gave my suffering meaning. If my suffering is all part of some grand plan and I will come out the victor on the proverbial other side, then it all becomes worth it. But I would always take it to an unhealthy extreme and get lost in thinking about what could possibly await me after this life. This obsession led me to neglect responsibilities in this life.
I don’t want to go back to that mental place. How can I overcome my attachment to otherworldly topics and pour everything I have into this life? Thanks for reading.
This might be an oversimplification, but when I have too much brain inflammation, I get too “thinky” and get sucked in similar thought spirals that I can’t just snap out of.
Now, with much less neuroinflammation, I am much more present and less prone to these episodes.
Sounds like perfect conditions for IOP and therapy.
Helping you come to terms with your delusions.
I’d the same thing but with angels, religious lore, and hallucination. I’d be in psychosis obsessing over every little detail and possible connections within my own hallucinations and these stories. For a reason for why the dead picked on me. And what I believe will happen when I die.
Iop and therapy taught me how to better handle living in the moment and focusing on the now. You can’t change what happens, either way. Try to just enjoy the now and live to your best affect.
Komaeda. You have wonderful things in your life, and you have some things that could get better. It’s ok to live. I know you’re scared, I was too, without my crutch. I believe your self awareness is different than a lot of people in your real life, and you can’t always be open, or at least as you’d like.
Keep going with your recovery. Please don’t fall back into feeding old delusions. Good job noticing you were feeding them after the fact.
Yeah, I was definitely relying on an old crutch. Funny how they can pull us back in with promises of comfort, much like sirens.
I guess I’m tired of life as it is and atm I see no way out, even though I know good things are coming. What started yesterday’s spiral was the sinking feeling that I’ve been irreparably damaged by psychosis. My view of life will never be the same. Any hint of an ability to feel carefree is gone.
Thank you so much for your time and feedback. I love how caring people are on this site.
I wouldn’t call it damaged, and no, your view of life will never be the same. But that in itself can be a blessing. You have the chance to capture a life even more beautiful than one deemed “normal”
You have a chance of overcoming the 3rd most disabling illness on the planet, only surpassed by dementia, and quadriplegia.
That’s not something that everyone can do. To see those things so dark and light, mad, and sane. No one fully comes back from it, Not the same. But that doesn’t make us worse. It just proves how much we have inside when we try to overcome.
Where do you see yourself in 5 years? That’s a very powerful question if you use it as a guide for life planning
That’s a refreshing and encouraging way of putting things – thank you!
It’s hard for me to see much value in my life right now. jealousy is becoming a problem, too, whereas before, I could keep it at bay and rationalize it away. My younger siblings (I’m the oldest) who are old enough to work are all working in demanding fields, dealing with workplace dynamics successfully and not getting all paranoid like I’m prone to doing, and here I am, not able to last even a year at a fast food job since getting sick. My family praises them and I’m just kinda… there. I’m sure I’m seen as a waste of potential. My illness is largely kept a secret, too, so extended family probably think I’m just lazy.
In five years, I hope to be living with my boyfriend, possibly even married to him. I’d like to be working full-time but I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that ever again. A part-time job somewhere low-key would suffice, I guess.
Mmm, see you’re comparing the neurodiverse to the common folk. Stop that .
You have an illness that takes priority to “wasted potential”. Do I come off as a “waste of potential”? I don’t think so, and I don’t see you as wasted potential either.
You just are having a hard time seeing your own potential right now, down on yourself for having symptoms, and going on your subreddit.
I have a feeling you judge this life against what your reincarnation delusions have been, is that correct?
You’re no waste of potential, you’re our fluffy llama helper and friend.
Okay, I’m not a waste of potential either.
You’re correct in your assumption that my delusions have me thinking reincarnation could grant me a better life, a life without debilitating mental illness. I just have to endure this life to get there, or that’s what my delusions tell me. But they can shut the ■■■■ up, lol.
You’ll escape it someday on your path. Taken me years, but I can openly tell you I feel happiness again. It still feels a little unusual to me, but I recognize it as happy.
I got all doom and gloom on my boyfriend and our mutual best friend during a group video chat and when our friend left the chat I asked my boyfriend if I came across as delusional and he said I did (I encourage him to be as honest with me as possible as I really value his feedback). Welp, good thing I have therapy tomorrow!
I have had rough times reconciling my previous spiritual beliefs when I was coming to terms with being schizoaffective. I think it’s safe to say that we’re entitled to the same level of beliefs we had before we got sick, it’s just that they often function as a trigger for unhealthy, delusional thinking, so you find yourself staying away from them and they are unable to provide you the comfort they once did.
I’m hoping if I stay delusion free for a couple more years I can think about my spirituality again. I totally get where you’re coming from. I like to believe there’s a place I’ll see one day without being sick, and believing that actually makes me not want to die… if I had proof of the afterlife, I’d be sooooo okay with being schizoaffective.
I don’t know what advice to give you, other than if you have a recovery trajectory and you’re making good progress, you might want to shelf these areas of discussion for maybe six months to a year from now. That’s kind of what I’ve been doing.
I had therapy today. My therapist wants to see more often than just once a month now. She doesn’t think I’m in crisis, and I don’t think I am either, but she does want to monitor me more closely since my symptoms are giving me more trouble than they were during my last appointment, and I appreciate her for that. I’ll keep cooperating and going like my boyfriend keeps urging me to, lol.
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