(LONGEST AND VERY OPEN LETTER). I am scared.
I want to finally open up and tell this whole story. I won’t lie – the term “psychopath” isn’t new to me. I was just afraid to trust my intuition. This time, it’s not about my feelings or doubts – it’s about what I’m starting to figure out 100%. I swear I wasn’t and am not naive – but I’m a sensitive person, prone to believing others’ promises, behaviors, and even lies. I started believing lies after what I went through with my ex.
We met one evening. Everything quickly turned into something intimate, even though he did things… the exact opposite of what any woman would consider normal. That night, he was flirting with two women. I was the one who remained his close friend for the next four years. He seemed like a complete idiot, a drunk fool – until we had sex. Then, looking at me afterward, he said, “You thought I was a dumb person?” I didn’t realize that this was the beginning of a game, and I fell in love with him. He may have been tracking my devices all along, maybe even my location. On the second day of knowing each other, as I mentioned, he already knew my phone PIN code and showed it to me with a creepy smile on his face.
He never hit me, never insulted me in an obviously aggressive way – but he did everything to make me doubt my own thoughts, my sanity, and my abilities. My family is toxic, but he isolated me not just from them – from all my friends too. I ended up fighting with everyone. At first, he was like a paradise, the most amazing person I knew, but he never shared anything about his inner world or feelings.
There were obsessive signs. He behaved strangely when he thought I was asleep. Yes, you read that right – he even smelled me. It happened once, and I pretended to be asleep – but were there other times? I don’t know.
He’s very smart. He even sent me proof of his MENSA IQ test – a score of 130 – and then later denied ever sending it. He laughed at me. Said things like, “Maybe someone else sent it?” or “Are you making things up again?” And I started wondering… maybe someone else did send it? Maybe I’m mixing things up… “You’re overreacting,” “I don’t remember saying that.” Gaslighting became my daily life.
He cheated on me with women and admitted it, then later said he never said that. “Well, I don’t remember – no matter what.” Flirting with other women in front of me, even when I cried and ran away, and then he’d come after me, apologize, and say he still didn’t understand why he was apologizing. “You’re normal” – was his favorite way of calming me down when I complained about my looks or intelligence. “You’ll be fine” – when he was the one who hurt me. Nights when I cried and he begged me to shut up. “Can I at least sleep?”
Turns out, in his past there was violence. Real crimes he profited from. Gambling. Prostitutes. After me, he became a “golden man” and kept reminding me how much he had changed because of me.
Do I know him? Can I say what this man is afraid of? No.
“You’re mine, and you know I could do anything to you – but I don’t…”
“Oh, you really thought of yourself as a genius, hehe?” (even though I had just asked if I seemed smart)
Insults about my body, my organs, everything – while pretending not to remember any of the cruel things he said. “MM, are you imagining things again?”
Today, for the first time, I told my friend the whole truth. Everything – directly. Including the possible surveillance, the fact that he seemed to know everything about me, pretending it was something I told him – even when I hadn’t. I’m afraid of him. He affected me so emotionally that I feel like I’m losing my mind because of him – and I’m still scared.
My friend told me to change my SIM cards, maybe even my devices. “BLOCK HIM IMMEDIATELY.” I’m scared of him.