Actually, I have to agree — many people in my environment saw this person as somewhat narcissistic, someone who boasts about his achievements but is essentially afraid of other men, what shows he might be very self-loving and afraid of critisism. But why do you completely rule out the possibility of psychopathy?
Psychopathy isn’t a DSM disorder, whereas Narcissistic disorder is an official one. A lot of stuff written on psychopathy is media influenced, specialists study narcissistic disorder though - so psychiatrists/psychologists usually know if someone has the narcissism disorder
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It really doesnt matter what label you put on him. He’s clearly playing with your mind and that isnt something you should put up with indefinitely. If he cant or wont change, I don’t know why you would put up with the head games.
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I don’t miss being young and dating at all. People are still figuring out life and experimenting. You really don’t know what you want yet, it takes experience to reach limits and constraints in your understanding. I thought when I was younger that I knew what life was about and what I wanted. I’ve totally changed my mind. I don’t even recognize the young man I was. I blew a lot of moments with beautiful good women because I was pulled in multiple directions by multiple women all at the same time. I was bad at picking out women because I was passive and didn’t talk things out in the beginning and throughout the relationship to meet my needs. I stayed in bad relationships out of fear that I would be a bad guy if I broke up with these ladies. I became miserable. I’m wiser now. I’m 45 now. Science says a man isn’t mature until he’s in his 40’s. And I wasn’t. I was just a young professional making good money and I was full of myself.
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What was strangest was that he had actually made changes for me. And truly—he even adapted: gave up alcohol, adjusted to me, our daily life together, even the annoying everyday stuff, the ‘always together’ kind of thing. That’s why I thought he was really unique—but since he was trying so hard, maybe everything was okay with him? I thought about it in all sorts of ways.
I feel cutting all communication and dealing with him is completely appropriate.
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They are just people too and do try. Not some comic villain. Sometimes people can’t change how you would like them too.
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That’s exactly my problem… I read all that literature, and sometimes it even became frightening in my thoughts—I truly didn’t understand him, I thought about it from every angle… He really lacked emotion. He made an effort, but we were like two completely incompatible worlds—and I loved him without even knowing what he was afraid of, the biggest events in his life, whether he had ever truly loved someone, how many women there had been (he never told me anything). He was very closed off—the most closed-off person I’ve ever known—while he could easily draw all the information out of me. @Mars
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Sometimes the mystery is attractive.
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I’m very grateful to everyone who gave me insight… Somehow, in a way, I feel like I’ve taken a weight off my shoulders and understand a bit better what it was that kept me feeling unsettled. He’s still a human being. But I’ll say this—he’s a very unclear personality: twisted, in a big way. Over time, he might have completely controlled me, maybe even become abusive and emotionally hurtful, even more than now. I just have to not let myself be afraid of that… If I walk away, I don’t think he’ll keep bothering me. Everything will be okay.
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Part of what fascinated me about him was precisely that mystery. I won’t deny it.
@Mars
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Yeah though in the end the mystery doesn’t live up to the hype and it’s just NPD.
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At the moment, with Gen Z people - mystery is a huge hype personality as far as I’ve been able to see. I feel like with millenials - it was very much being friendly and popular but with gen Z - it’s all about being independent and “sigma”
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I want to say that I looked at this person only from the angles that scared me… In a way, I don’t think he’s completely “dark.” After all, he was definitely responsible, hard-working, really tried to exercise, work on himself, grow… a truly intelligent person – he studied a field related to prosthetics, although he dropped out right before his final thesis. Still, I wish him to find someone – and I believe he will. There was simply too much of a storm between us – and he never saw the point in backing down during conflicts. I think there were always some very big battles raging inside him.
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People are a mixed bag of good and bad. Just have to find someone who balances it out.
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And truly, truly I need to trust my intuition. The moment I met him, I had a gut feeling—“don’t get involved”—but I ignored it. I gave in to some kind of curiosity, really. Also, books and information are the best things in life—but I need to look at everything more practically. Not just float in the clouds, not view everything as if it were science fiction… life is a bit simpler than that.
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Sometimes I wonder how to develop critical thinking. I’ve noticed that traits of borderline personality affect me… sometimes I get so overwhelmed by emotions that I can’t see the full picture of a person—I either see only what’s very wrong with them, or only their good qualities. I have to be completely calm to grasp that middle ground. I don’t know. I think about it in all kinds of ways… I’ve read so many books, watched so many films, and had all sorts of life experiences—so many. Still, I’m somehow a foolish idealist, and at other times a complete pessimist. I’m searching for that balance. Therapy has to help with that.
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Therapy helped me identify what was the most harmful to my survival. And what was helping me survive.
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So far, I haven’t even had 10 therapy sessions… but my former psychiatrist, who is now my current therapist, promises a lot — we’ll make significant progress, and one day I might not need any external help at all. I believe her words. I’ve already made a lot of progress. Nothing is ever certain — I know that I am a strong, resilient person, but there’s still a lot of work to do with emotions, with seeing life in its “real” colors. To put it plainly — it’s not when emotions take over that I need to solve things. It’s exactly the moment when I realize that it’s not delusions or depression taking over right now, but my own character. I feel it in my whole body — if I learn to manage myself, everything will get even better. @Trooper
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When I’m not dealing with delusions or depression. I am not the character that I wanted to be as a child. I also am an idealist about life. And turn to pessimism also. I mean I’m surviving But I’m not thriving with myself and others as I wanted to as a child. And I also I’m making progress. And trying to find ways that will work so I can have the character I’ve always wanted to have as a child.
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