Schizophrenia.com

My atavistic illness

i become angry in my illness…ive started my zyprexa but I am ill since child I guess…and when I am angry like this I am really paranoid,it sucks…I don’t wanna go out in this state :(…

You need therapy Anna… And a new pdoc. Take control of your life, woman! Recovery is not going to fall off the sky. Take steps in that direction, please, for your own sake.

I cant go out Minnie…I am afraid of myself and others… really… and my mom doesn’t believe in therapy for me…ive changed all pdocs already,i am fed up of it…

Your mom does not have your problems, only you know what’s best for you. Negative symptoms of schizophrenia are well managed with CBT, if you have schizophrenia.

You can’t just give up. Fight for yourself.

yeah but I am too paranoid…probably I don’t have a heart anymore :(…maybe the meds are doing this also,dont know…

You know, since you joined with your first account all you do is talk about how miserable you are. All of us have given you support and talk to you about this, you need to step out of that short circuit, you know this.

We can’t help you if you don’t help yourself. Talk to your mother about therapy again and again and every day if necessary, tell her its your only shot at trying to have a better life and stepping out of the negative spiral.

You have more than 30 years old, you need to stop acting like a 15 year old waiting for your mothers approval on how you should handle your illness, she’s not the one that is ill, you are. And you need to take the steps necessary for your recovery.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but that’s what you need to hear.

yes, I know…ive made already that step to not be so dependant on her…I permit to myself to say her some things to her… I really need to talk to somebody,i know…but I am so tired right now,i wanna just sit and cry.

It’s not that you need to talk, I think you need a recovery oriented mindset.
That can’t mindset you’re on can’t last forever.

You talk like you’re so isolated, but you have more friends than I do.
You talk like your meds aren’t working, but they were working right before you quit them because we noticed that here.
You talk how you’re so miserable, but you can step out of that mindset but you need to want to.

If you want to sit and cry, by all means do so, no one is stopping you.
But you can also, go outside and get some fresh air, take a walk, buy a sweater or a pair of pants, put on some make up, feel pretty.

You have a lot of good qualities, don’t let them go to waste.

ok,minnie. ill try to do my best. I need my meds for the moment. probably its a trick to get the right dosage right now…yes, I do my best to be less miserable…I try to open to others… but the loneliness of all these years probably marked me… and I ve never really learn to smile,yeah…

ok,ill see my pdoc in 2 weeks…she is psychiatrist plus psychotherapist in fact…ive talked to her on the phone right now…:slight_smile:

She’s a new one?

I am with her since the last summer,yes…she is not the one who diagnosed me with schizophrenia cause the last one was pissed of by me when I told her once that her treatment is chemical lobotomy…wow,not nice for me…

And what does this one say about your sz diagnosis?

for her my paranoia is a schizophrenic sign…I don’t know nothing else… my mother told me now that ill waste my money. and that I should accept that ill never go out with my friends cause she know my illness better than the docs…

Is there any disability possibility in your country?

what does it means a disability possibility? the hic is that I closed myself since a lot of time…and even as a child, I was too closed,not a happy child.i couldn’t probably feel joy of life…the love always interested me more than other things. yeah…and to be sick since child is a bad prognosis as I know…for my ex pdoc,i was schizophrenic with mostly negatives symptoms…

I’m also sick since I was a child and my prognosis is good because I put up a fight. It’s the recovery mindset I told you about.

Disability means recieving money from the government because you’re mentally ill.

oh yes,i have the help from the country but its 60 euros in fact… I for a normal living here its a minimum of 300 euros…

Oh I see. That’s terrible. I hope you can find a way to become better so you can gain some independence

Do you have a camera? Even the camera on a phone? I use photography as therapy. My goal is to try and find one beautiful or unique thing each day and then share it with others. Good way to battle anger and cynicism.

HTH

Pix.

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