More musings from my brain

Yeah, the people are pretty rotten where I live. Users and haters. They don’t even try to hide it .Well actually they hide the hate but the using is ridiculous. If you grant these people one molecule of attention, they think they have the right to act anyway they want towards you. It’s like Total Recall with Arnold. They steal your thoughts your memories my experiences. I’m supposed to treat these people like they’re special. Enough of that. I’m going out to dinner tonight. I just turned in two bags of cans and bottles and made a few bucks at the recycling stand. Tomorrow is my day off! I see my therapist tomorrow. I’ll bring him these problems and not depress everybody on here. But it’s a good post from Mortimer. Yeah, live well. I’m actually living in the lap of luxury in Silicone valley. I haven’t heard it called that in awhile. But I live on tree-lined streets with everything I need close-by. A haircut is called for within the next couple weeks. I hope you achieve your goals Mortimier. I don’t cry but some of the rest of you guys have some awful sad, heartbreaking stories and it does get to me. I wish all of you the best against the depressing reality of a world where weaknesses like being nice, respecting other people and just wanting to be left alone are used against you.Good luck.

bon appetite at your dinner. I hope you cheer up. It almost sounded like you were saying good-bye.

Just a little discouraged is all. I’m planning on sticking around. Lol, I want to see how this bad boy ends, lol.

Calling yourself a bad boy? ok fess up.

You don’t give yourself enough credit for what you have done. You went from crack to living a life that the people who you used to be around could never live.

Thanks for the shout out and remember, you earned your peaceful life. I think you feel bitter about how people have treated you, just remember, people are imperfect. Even in academia I deal with some people who don’t treat me right and even lie about me and to me.

There is a jealousy component in people’s ill will. There is more, but that component is key to accepting and understanding why people mistreat us. I even get flak for being highly functioning. See, jealousy. Some students can’t do what I do and try to shoot me down. The world is not all bad though. Paranoid schizophrenics tend to see the negative in things, so be aware of that and try to focus on what is good. I work with some good people. I have good things going for me. I work with some people who aren’t so good. I have plenty of things wrong with me.

We all have to stand our ground. My fight is different, but believe me, competition and desire bring out the worst in people. Some people just want power and to ■■■■ with other people’s lives to get off. I proudly do not get off on harming others. In fact, I do not harm others, period. Neither do you. Know that you are good and never let anyone become the seed of hatred in your mind. I used to be hateful, I let it go. Others can hate all they want, but I hate things, not people. People who inspire hate are not worth it. Hate is what they want, and I will deny them and frustrate them. If I hate anyone, I hate myself. I hate schizophrenia and I will stop at nothing to damage it the most that I can. I hate stigma. I hate ignorance. I hate hatred itself. Hate is complex. Let the haters hate and live the wrong way while you continue to be a good person. Again, hating things is not nearly as unhealthy as hating others. Every human is worth the same. Even if someone needs to be killed, say a terrorist, the person who ends their life should not hate them but instead hate what made them deserve to be killed because a human life was corrupted beyond repair due to something- perhaps an idea or brainwashing made them corrupted.

Not everyone is noble. Being noble is living in service to others. A relative of mind, my godfather taught me that being of service is the best way of life. Some people only care about power, status, money, their name, a legacy, whatever. Feel sorry for these morally retarded people.

Keep your chin up.


Uh oh, I just had this idea today to put a dollar on my desk while I study, so I remember why I’m working to graduate. It would be my anti-daydream tool, like Santa’s Elf on the Shelf.

I really sold my dreams down the river when the Sz hit me in college. I worried about taking care of myself with a Ceramics degree. My goal was to get a PhD. I’ll have to pursue another path.

/end hijack

The nice guys finish last idea is why I am not so sure I want to up my dose of Risperdal. My dad and step mom are lawyers, so it is in my nature to ague. My mom says I’m getting to be too hostile.

You are one of the good guys, Nick. I tend to fall into the human trap of hating, or at least I did recently. I have to realize that it is not worth it. I hated (still hate, I’m weak) the narcissist guy at work who surreptitiously hit on me through Facebook. He later cursed out his coworker. His mom is his boss and there was no disciplinary action taken against him. I am wasting less time thinking about it lately.

I hope you can get to the point where you don’t think about it. It is good that you are going to tell your therapist.


Good answer Mortimer. Not bad for a 21 year old, in fact pretty darn good. I got a lot from it. Good luck to you too.

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