Late evening vent

Well how’s it going folks?

Good times. Bad times. You know I’ve had my share.

I’m really depressed right now. Have been for a couple days. Drank it away last night. Waste of time.

Been pretty symptomatic. The delusion is the hardest thing to fight.

All I know is that I should be making the best of my alone time. Gets difficult though. I don’t give a ■■■■ about anything any more.

Between Easter and the conversations on here I’ve been put in a position to think about the God concept. I don’t have anything to say on that other than I don’t like to think about it.

It’s one of those days where recovery doesn’t seem likely. I still think I can improve psychologically but the hallucinations aren’t going anywhere.

I feel neutral about everything. No love no attraction no interests.

I want to stop drinking caffeine and smoking. I just don’t know what else to do with my time.

The other day I felt like I should cry. Nothing happened though. My head was in pain from the negative feelings I had going on. Nothing at all.

Every moment I’m around people is still a struggle.

This is just turning into a negative rant so imma cut it short.

Lots of love folks. I’m always available for private chat.

Take care of yourselves.


Take it easy man. Quitting tobacco and caffeine is ideal (moreso the tobacco than caffeine) but don’t just do that all at once, do it when it’s right.

I myself have been in some similar situations. Don’t stress on the God concept. I can’t imagine where you’re coming from completely because I have a strong belief in God, but even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Just no need to stress on it. If there’s a God, so be it. If not, so be it. I guess.

I’m sorry you’re having such hallucinations. You are a great poster, soitgoes. I like the Led Zeppelin quote. Maybe watch a documentary or two. That’s what I’m doing right now and it’s helping a lot. Excercise too. I’m guilty of not excercising but I reckon it can help a lot. And diet you’ve even said yourself. Well that’s all I got. Peace brotha. Hang in there. This too, inevitably shall pass. Remember that.

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Thanks for reading man. It turned out longer than intended.

You’re a good pal. Very sane, very human.

Take care dude. Look forward to reading your stuff.

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Hello Soitgoes

Many states have implemented the quits programs that are free. When you are ready to quit they will send you a stop smoking package free of charge and they will also do follow ups. When I quit smoking cigarets 10 years ago they sent me all the patches necessary to completely stop smoking. I quit for almost six years and then started to smoke cigar and have done so for the last four years as an alternative to cigarettes that are better for you a little. I like to drink pop but understand the problems with it and the contents that go along with the addiction so this area is one that is difficult. I like tea and try to drink this as a substitute and then there is carbonated fruit drinks that are semi healthy.

I am atheist and have been my whole life. I believe that if there was to be a god he would stand together with us and not above us without judgment. my belief in the after life is continually being changed and my understanding of the universe and how it came into being is also being pressed on me to understand in a way that seems imposable.

Be strong



Yeah I’ve been atheist my whole life as well. The beliefs just don’t stick. I don’t think believing in anything beyond the physical world would do me any good. It’s just lead to more hallucinations.

Wherever all the other atheists ended up, hell or otherwise, that’s where I want to go.

I know come morning all I’ll want is to smoke and have some coffee. That’s when it’s the worst.

I’m just tired of running around.

I’m tired of trying to reduce/control the hallucinations. It’s so exhausting.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I needed to hear at least one atheist say something.

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You’re amazing for going strong despite everything, you remember that. Also even if you don’t have control over your hallucinations and delusions remember that you have complete control over how you respond to them. Keep trying to understand them and recognize them for what they are. Just like you said there’s always room for psychological improvement, even if you can’t improve the chemical wiring of your brain and genes at this moment in time.

If you want something constructive to do with time I suggest exercise. It’s really hard to go the first couple weeks but once you get in the swing of it the endorphins you get from a hard workout are like a medication themselves…I know now that exercising regularly is one of the only things for me that makes the world feel bearable, so I hold onto it and go in every day I can.

I’m always free for messaging as well if you wanna talk! I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.


I’m sure tomorrow will be better. I have more good days than bad. Just gotta get through the night(caffeine). Tired but wired. Typically I avoid this situation.

Thanks for the support.

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Chyall just pulled me out of the “I want to die” feeling I had going on.

Can’t thank you enough. You’re some beautiful souls.

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@SoitGoes Hang in there. I know the delusions can get rough, but you seem to battle everything well. Mine get bad at night when I try to go to sleep. As for the smoking and caffeine pick one and slowly cut down. Don’t try and do it all at once it is miserable. Been there and done it. :stuck_out_tongue:

Also, your posts really help me since I went straight to a nursing home then assisted living with no therapy or anything. Thanks a lot for that.


Thanks paulissianna!

Was very low, but now that I’m feeling better tiredness is setting in. Starts with a yawn. That’s when I finally put the phone down. I’ll here all kinds of odd voices and minute later I’m asleep.

Thanks again to everyone.

Keep on keeping on. (Goodnight)

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Don’t worry, it will get better.

I’m not a atheist but I’ve travelled over a thousand miles and I’m tired also.

I don’t think God is done with me yet.

Such is life.


Don’t you guys hate guilt trips?

Yeah I guess so… I should prolly be use to it by the now.

Wait till you are chased out of your home and forced to subside where everyone hates you just for being you.