Monkey in the middle

[SurprisedJ]

Continuing the discussion from Family dinner:

@SurprisedJ

My youngest brother John is being the best little brother ever to me and literally trying to destroy my kid sis. She’s battling anorexia for real. She’s finally coming to terms with this and getting real. This time in the hospital opened her eyes. Finally.

I hung out at the lifeguard staff meeting and John used every opportunity to tear her down, tell her what she did wrong and then he started saying that her rescues were sloppy because she was putting on so much weight. She’s almost 20 pounds underweight and he has started calling her a Sea Cow… in front of the entire lifeguard team.

But he is the most super sweet little brother to me… That puts me right in the middle. I really hate this.

I’ve been trying to find a way how NOT to be the monkey in the middle. My kid sis is not asking me to take a side, but I bet you can guess which side I’m naturally on. I am beginning to think this is a ploy by him or something. Is he trying to keep it nice and goodie with me as a way to get to her worse? Maybe I am getting paranoid?

How is it, he can be so cool to me, our parents, but just try to destroy the one person who actually saved his job and his insurance. I know that all those years of drinking is NOT going to correct themselves by 35 days in rehab, but man… this is getting relentless.

It seems like when I tell him to back off and how much it hurts her and now she’s started “artistically” carving into herself… he just seems happier. He just seems so Happy that she’s getting worse.

I think I now understand what an energy vampier is. Maybe that is why he is so happy? Maybe because he is weak and she’s stronger… he’s just drinking her strength… If that makes any sense. But that doesn’t make life any better. When does it end?

I’d like to see it stop anyway.
How in the world do I stop being the monkey in the middle?

[drwho]

hey @SurprisedJ

your sis is one tough cookie, i am sure hiss words are like water off a ducks back to her

i know how people can be though if they have a drink problem, especially if they are still drinking

[BarbieBF]

When I read in your other post about what he is doing at work… Not nice at all. Hopefully sis realizes that his actions are a reflection on him and not on her. I don’t know how you can stop being in the middle. Maybe you can’t. Although I’m personally involved to a certain degree so my feelings would sway towards sis. I don’t know your brother and sis has her place in my heart as she is the one trying to be the better person. As I said I’m biased

[lovemyson]

Your kid sis seems so together, intelligent, caring, kind and mature beyond her years. That’s what I observe from her posts. And she is very pretty too:) Seems as if your brother might be jealous of her, for as you say, she is the stronger one in reality. I’m sure his insensitive comments chip away at her self esteem, and put a strain on family relationships. Making mean remarks about someone’s weight who has anorexia is like rubbing salt in a wound. Hopefully she can beat the anorexia and will continue to be the better person.

I know for you it is like walking a tightrope. I can relate because none of my 3 siblings get along with each other that well and don’t communicate. Luckily I do have a close relationship with my sibs, but I feel as if I am the “hub” of my family wheel trying to keep everyone peacefully connected and it is hard/stressful sometimes.

[anon49185775]

You need to tell him WHY he needs to stop and be calm and logical and rational about it. Heated arguments can happen, just calmly tell him that anorexia is a serious disorder and that your sis needs support in order to recover. That’s what I would do. No need to be angry or even consider it to be confrontational, its just speaking the truth.

[Csummers]

@SurprisedJ

I am beginning to think this is a ploy by him or something. Is he trying to keep it nice and goodie with me as a way to get to her worse?

Yup. You got it.
He is hoping you will discredit your sister by not believing he is being too mean to her, because he is so nice to you. It’s a chicken ■■■■ way to handle his problem. The only good thing (if there is one) is that your sister learns how to handle herself around toxic people…but it’s sad that
family can get away with hurting each other in a way we wouldn’t allow a stranger to do so, right J?

[77nick77]

@mortimermouse

You need to tell him WHY he needs to stop and be calm and logical and rational about it. Heated arguments can happen, just calmly tell him that anorexia is a serious disorder and that your sis needs support in order to recover. That’s what I would do. No need to be angry or even consider it to be confrontational, its just speaking the truth.

Yes, how genuinely nice is he if he’s picking on a younger person who happens to be a girl? Nice people don’t do that especially to your own family. Have you heard of a Cheshire smile? But yeah, can you just talk to him more about it? Clear the air.

[SurprisedJ]

@Csummersx

it’s sad thatfamily can get away with hurting each other in a way we wouldn’t allow a stranger to do so, right J?

It’s very true. I’ve never been treated as badly by a stranger as I’ve been treated by some cousins and Aunts and even a brother.

[SurprisedJ]

The kid sis and I are both really baffled. When he was drinking he wasn’t THAT bad and there was an excuse. Granted, it was a weak one, but addiction has a mind of it’s own.

Now that he’s out of rehab and going to AA we’re wondering what in the world is going on.

[Csummers]

If you brother who is mean to your sister were a stranger, would you let him get away with what he is doing to her?

[SurprisedJ]

A stranger… no. There is no way. But a little brother who acts so hurt and in need around me, and is the best little brother ever to me and then just horrid to her… It makes life confusing.

Distance is key. I’ve gotten some ideas, the kid sis put in for a transfer to a different pool and it is time to try something different.