This has been weighing on me since last night so I figured I’d post about it if for no other reason than that sometimes makes me feel a little better.
So last night after dinner I played some volleyball with my niece while my parents sat and spoke to my sister. She had asked if they would be available to look after her daughter this summer so she could work a part time job. This is when they told her they’d be leaving for Canada to see my brother, his wife and their new born child for a couple of weeks.
My sister won’t let her daughter see her other uncle at all. This is because he abused the two of us sexually in his very early teens. She had never spoken of this until I brought it up in my early 20’s to my parents and they went and asked her about it. I’ve since forgiven my brother for this but my sister who already has issues about being adopted (she’s actually my cousin) can’t seem to forgive him in any capacity and is convinced he’s a dangerous pedophile. While this is not the case whatsoever, I can’t for the life of me put myself in his shoes at the age of 13 as I can’t comprehend what would make someone use his siblings (or anyone for that matter) in the way he used us.
But I still love my brother and have forgiven him as I said. The only ill feelings I still have towards him are for the fact that he made it out of that house of hell as it was at the time and went on to live a charmed existence traveling the world, earning his phd etc. without even an emotional ouchy along the way. But as for the abuse, it’s in the past as far as I’m concerned.
This is not the case with my sister, not that she has to forgive him for what he did, but what she’s doing keeping my niece from seeing him is tearing my family apart. My niece really wants to see her other uncle and doesn’t understand why she hasn’t seen him since she was very young. Now she’s going to have one and probably more cousins who she’ll never get to see in her childhood the way things are going.
It’s like I’m stuck between two extremes here, on one side is my sister blowing this out of proportion believing our brother is a dangerous pedophile because of what he did to us and on the other side is my dad dismissing what he did as “normal kid stuff”.
I don’t know, I spoke to my parents last night at length about it, took some pills and fell asleep waking up with a headache but feeling better having discussed it even though it stirred up some uncomfortable emotions. Who knows if this will ever be resolved, we may have to live with the fact that my brothers actions as an adolescent permanently destroyed any hope of a unified family.