I just tried to confront my mom about some terrible things she said to me as a child. She accused me of being a “vicious, crazy monster who belongs in jail or a mental institution,” and she said, “you’re going to become a prostitute when you grow up.” She said that I’m having false memories, and that she never really said those things, but she did say those things, I’ve remembered them for a long time. What is that supposed to do to my mental health? When she tries to distort and eliminate very real things?
hi im sorry to hear your going through that
this book has helped me greatly its called toxic parents you can buy it on amazon it teachesyou how to deal with an abusive parent now without getting emotionally caught up again. dont let this bring you down hugsx
Thank you for your response. I’ve actually recently read Toxic Parents, and it was from this book that I got the idea of confronting my mom in the first place. I wish she had just said, “I’m sorry.”
its great that you did! just for yourself that takes so much courage.
what you did was right even if you didnt get the reponse you wanted.
You’re far too old and too far in life to let your parent’s opinions affect you! I know you still want approval maybe but keep on regardless, people are helpful or they are a waste of time!
my mother does not even recognise that i am sz (not that i care.)
she would say the same things that your mother said , totall and utter denial…
my mother is an evil, narcissitic bitch but she is going somewhere bad when she dies , like my father.
i feel for you but do not get rapped up in the past however hurtful.
i know you want your mum to remember and be honest and own it but trust me they don’t, they can’t, they are admitting to being a horrible human being and not supporting you.
we must accept the failings in others , their weakness is our strength because we can learn from it and never do that to another human being.
you are strong, forgive her but don’t forget.
kindness is love in another word .
I don’t think you’re ever too old to want a good relationship with your parents. It’s still a loss. And I currently live with them, so the better the relationship I have with them, the better it is for me.
Thanks for your encouragement, dandydinmot.
Thank you for your encouragement, darksith. Sorry about your parents.
Well, you didn’t become a prostitute. Those kind of things effect you greatly when your parents say things like that. But you have made it this far, so you are doing pretty good.
Thank you, Jake. I appreciate that.
Oh I didn’t know that you lived with them. That changes things. My mom is super supportive, she read “Surviving Schizophrenia”, a huge book all about the disease and has sections for patients, family, virtually everyone. It covers EVERYTHING about living a life with schizophrenia and explains the common behaviors we do…there’s a section on coffee and cigarettes even, theories as to why the vast majority of schizophrenics drink so much coffee and smoke so much. Ever since then my mom has kept plenty of coffee around and doesn’t tell me to try to quit smoking…it’s something like 80% of schizophrenics are heavy smokers, and scientists agree that it must relieve symptoms to a small degree.
I got my dad to read “Surviving Schizophrenia.” I think it’s an okay book. The author doesn’t seem to think too highly of schizophrenics, though. He doesn’t believe much in recovery, though he does admit that 25% of schizophrenics recover.
Well it’s written from a very rational and statistically based perspective. 25% is better than 0 if you ask me! I just don’t like how he acted like they can live but don’t live well…as the book is titled, it’s “Surviving” not exactly living with schizophrenia…to me there is a big difference between the two concepts…I survived just fine without meds and alcohol instead…but now I have a life, I actually try at my studies and I have friends and am able to meet new people if I just talk to them. I like to think that people with this disease are either schizophrenic (schizophrenia guides their behavior) or they are people who have schizophrenia (they are normal in behavior and cope with the disease successfully)…that’s what I tell myself to stay positive and not feel self-pity all the time. I still have days where I just wish I didn’t have schizophrenia though…who wouldn’t? Not many…schizophrenia isn’t the same for everyone, it covers a relatively broad range of symptoms, and some people don’t mind having it…some people on this forum don’t mind having it, I think they even enjoy it to an extent. But that’s the minority, most of us wish we were normal, I think that’s safe to say.
In one of my journals I wrote down every heart breaking thing my parents ever said to me. It was just after I was able to get back into rehab and finish my stint of being homeless and just trying to go to outpatient therapy I went over for dinner and I confronted my family with this huge journal of past heart break.
To my surprise, they owned up to some of if and explained why they said it, and just how far off the end of their rope they were when they said it. Some stuff was false memory because my Mom did sit down with some of my accusations and say… But James, we’ve never been to Spain so how could we threaten to feed you to the sea monster? But since they did own up to some of the stuff, it made me more ready to accept that some of it was false memory.
I think my parents are amazing, but they are human, I did push their limits, we’ve all been hurt by this and we have all said stuff that we wish we hadn’t…
The other side of the coin… since I was confronting them with horrid stuff they said, they confronted me with all vile nasty I said. I had to own up to that and realize that some of it wasn’t false memory, it was temper tantrum
So if we’re going to dish it, we have to expect some of it to get dished back.