What’s your voices’ size today?
Neither small nor large.
They stand in the middle of the ladder.
Neither internal nor external ones. In the middle.
Loud internal ones, or quiet external ones
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I don’t know? I just hear them.
I had nightmares about this world. That everything is fake!
Is this all there is to it? Only suffering and pain?? There must be something else to it!?
But it was just a nightmare! I woke up and the delusion was gone.
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I normally feel transparent, empty, non existent.
I wish it was just a dream
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You have a lot! You read and have great knowledge! You seem to be loved. You live in a great part of the world! You have a great sense of humor.
When I meditated I came to the conclusion that I was nothing. My philosophical viewpoint is that nothing really exists.
But we are here! We have to be someone. Mad or not. Pain brings us here! But you know all this!
My neighbor talked about me again outside my window. She said he’s psychotic!
I guess that’s who I am!
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Neighbours talk about me too.
It’s sad. They gossip.
They have nothing better to discuss.
I don’t give a fuuck.
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I just wish that they could forget about me. But they also gossip.
What are you doing today om? Anything in particular?
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I’m reading now. I have 3-4 books to read.
You?
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I’m going to relax today. Or at least until I feel better!
Which books are you reading??
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A book about Lenin,
a book about Aesthetics,
a book about The Communist Army in greek civil war,
etc.
Voices interrupt me while reading.
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Sounds like my type of reading.
I bought a photography book by Christer Strömholm. It’s just pictures.
I suck at reading! Lol!
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My mind is a mess. I can’t read today.
On Monday I must have my haldol shot.
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Today voices say “die die drop dead!”
My mood is a bit low because of that.
I will go to an italian with two friends.
I hope i will make it
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Italian restaurant, I mean. Lol
We finished eating,
I was distracted while eating,
but now voices come back
I’m sorry Om. I don’t really deal with much voices. Lately it’s been paranoia for me.
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What kind of paranoia?
What do you feel?
Well I just moved into my own apartment. So paranoia someone will break in and steal my stuff. And people are out to get me when I take my dog out for her to go potty. A few days ago I was convinced my family put a tracker on my car.
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I’m also afraid of intruders who would steal my books.
It’s ridiculous, i know. I have an alarm in house
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I don’t have anything. I want cameras but don’t wanna be seen as a looney.
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