I know most of us with sz or psz hear voices. How are yours? I mean some people have voices that degrade them, others have voices that are like people having conversations; some hear them all day long, others hear them mostly at night or when alone.
I have had paranoid schizophrenia since I was a teen - I am now in my 40’s. As a teen they were the degrading horrible type heard throughout the day. Over the years they became mostly background conversations like people on the other side of a door talking except when one of them got angry. I always thought of them and still do honestly as people that have died and were stuck in limbo and they kinda just stuck with me until they got things figured out and could move on. I was the carrier so to speak. Once I came to that conclusion I started talking back to them. I have listened to their conversations when I could make it out. They have talked to me and except for a few that were frightening most I could handle. They drove me crazy as I got older mostly at night when trying to sleep. They would get so loud I couldn’t sleep. Or at times when everything was quiet. I learned to use music and tv as a diversion. Kind of drowning them out but it would drown out me hearing the real people as well. Pretty much that is how I dealt with them all my life. I got to know many of them pretty well and was able to eventually learn how to get rid of the evil ones through prayer of demonishing demons. Now that I am older I wonder if some of our great artists - writers, painters etc didn’t have some form of sz. As some of my people have told me some amazing stories of their lives and things. When I had a nervous breakdown and had to get help and was finally honest with the pysch doc and got put on meds, the voices went away. For me that made me more depressed because I was losing a major part of who I was. I could never remember a time when they weren’t with me and I told my doc I was worried that about them and what happened to them. If I was no longer their carrier did they just vanish and not have a chance to move on. It scared me and that was the worst part of getting on meds for me.
Mine were that way years ago probably for the first ten years. I don’t know I guess I had enough of them one day and started yelling back and shouting at them and things started to change for me. I have adjusted with them. Now the telepathy and mind control others have don’t get me started on. Still haven’t come to terms with that. That is why I will never stop smoking cigs - it’s the only thing that keeps them from getting to me like everyone else. Yes I know that is my delusion in pysch terms but as long as I have my cigs I am okay.
I had an angry demon following me around in my teens. Then suddenly he vanished. It came back, with friends, 10 years later.
I mostly hear them in the evening/night. I hear a child scream in terror. That is one of the hardest voices to live with.
My mom says I sould not have anti psychotic medicine. She says it blocks out the spirit world. She says my voices are spirits. We don’t talk about my voices anymore.
I also hear parts of conversationes between the voices. I can feel left out sometimes because they talk to each other and not me.
I have a helpful voice, Michelle. She helps me remember things.
With the meds I lost the voices and I felt like I lost myself as well. I have been off meds for a month now by accident and the voices are coming back. For me that feels norm and like home. They are not all joyful by no means but it is what I have known my whole life. Not saying not to take meds because they did help and probably as you can see by my writings I am back in what they call a pyschotic state. But I lived with it for 30+ years without meds and the last 4yrs on meds was unbearable for me. I know ppl may think I am crazier than most when I say that. But it is what it is. Unless I can find a pdoc that can get me on a med routine that doesn’t make me miss my life by sleeping it away, I choose to live awake with the insomnia, voices, delusions, hallucinations and all. I will do as I had done for the 30+ years and be a recluse who doesn’t go out at night ever and just surround myself with my immediate family circle.
Mine have pretty well dissappeared into the background. They used to be attacking or trying to lure me into doing something crazy.
But now they might come out if I’m stressed about a decision or something. Or if I ask them for help about something.
Generally they are now pretty supportive/helpful guides.
It’s a delusion by societal standards but a lot of people believe in telepathy. With my experience being what it is it’s nearly impossible to not believe. It’s pretty convincing, but it keeps me locked in a situation I no longer like. The only escape is to purge it from my mind and ignore the reminders, after all it is practically internal fiction.
When I’m free the voices always make an appearance. I don’t really care any more. No ones gonna hurt me, they probably don’t even know what’s up. It’s all psychosis.
Focus on real life and it should come back to you, if the construction of the human mind makes any sense. Although perhaps I’m a mutant never meant to be. I don’t plan on passing on my sz genes.
Yep, your crazy to live like that. I don’t like meds either. I’m in a similar situation, highly caffeinated and wired looking to stay up all night. The psychotic symptoms just become a predictable part of your experience once your used to them.
On the other hand if I found a med that took the voices away I would definitely stay on that ■■■■ until i got used to it. I know it’d be better for me.
I wrote this in my Starting Over post - I was on a total of 18mg risperidone a day - 4mg 3xd and 3mg 2xd plus 300mg a day of sertraline and 15mg a day of trihex and 100mg a day of trazadone all this together every day to finally get rid of the voices which it did. But I slept 22hrs a day, had no thought process and no memory. That wasn’t living, that was barely existing.
Rational smational… Yes I have to deal with some horrible ones, some scarier than others but not all are bad…and at least I could see and talk to my family and not just sleep. Another thing I learned was that most people have an inner voice that talks to them. It’s not the same as my ppl or sz but still… I know… I have my own way of rationalizing things out. But it works for me… I can see @BryanAshley you are going to be one to keep me more closely to sane…lol
That sounds like it’s way over the regular doses. Really must have ■■■■■■ with your brain. I’ve been up to 16 mg daily on invega, practically the same as respiridone. Didn’t really help. I feel so much more alive at 2 mg. it’s subtle but drastic at the same time.
Getting a lot of voices. Though. Everytime I think about telepathy, which is about every 5 to 30 seconds. Really doesn’t bother me any more and they are indecypherably quiet.
Yes you have to be careful. I’ve always taken the approach good or bad voices there usually all bad. Cuz they can lead you to ‘sneaky brained thinking’ as @surprisedj would call it
Coming off it all was not too good either… I got the flu and a kidney infection this past christmas and missed my meds. So withdrawals were all mixed in with that. I had a airplane taking off in my head for weeks. But I have been alive again since then and don’t want to give that up. I have to find a new pdoc because when we told him I have been off meds a month now, he wants to just start me back at that high dose and everyone my family has talked to - nurse and pharmacist say not to do that it could put me in a coma. so I don’t know what’s going to happen.
I want mine to go away so bad. I’m nearly manic today. I need to be careful about that. I’m finding myself not giving a ■■■■ about anything and just smiling through. Typically I feel very serious about it all, guess I’m worn out. It feels better though. Kind of stupid at the same time. Maybe this is a reward for having won a long drawn out battle. I know I’ve still got some setbacks ahead of me, baby steps.
Well typing that paragraph killed the mania. Mindfulness be damned.
Riding a roller coaster of good feelings right now. It’s wearing me out. This is unusual. Fascinating feeling. Haven’t felt it in years and back then I didn’t even appreciate it.
mania is an interesting thing for sure. i am well versed in that.
my rendition of it , Colors look amazing, any song feels and sounds incredible and euphoric, over confidence etc… a million amazing ideas. understanding musical compositions a lot easier. problem solving is easier, grandiose thoughts that i am a complete genius. im extremely witty in this state as well.
maybe thats why i wont take meds, cuz i dont want to lose the high feeling. im afraid its just going to flatten me to death.
I have three voices in my head, one bitch from the nsa, one ■■■■■■■ guy from the nsa, and then 17 year old me, I’m used to their crap.
What gets me is hallucinating real people saying things. Like for example, I just went to a bar with this girl I am dating. I not only heard and saw people talking about me, but even she did, according to my senses. Like I heard her say things while watching her mouth move that were out of place. It happens- things that don’t make perfect sense, like the aforementioned girlfriend saying “drink up” and the me asking her if she actually said that and then she said she didn’t. She then asked me if I can tell what is real or not. I said sometimes no.
Or the extra noises! Like the singer of a band on my iPod saying something about me after a song plays! That is fun! Like hearing music playing when it’s not!
I agree with you about the real people voice issue. I absolutely hate that. Always thinking people are talking about me like going out to eat and the people at the table near you are talking about the way you look or how you eat. Horrible! That was why I became a recluse in the first place to many people talking crap about me and I would always take it to heart. I know now they weren’t and it was just part of this illness. SO my mindset is different going forward.
My biggest issue are the shadow people at night. They scare the hell out of me which is why I will not go outside after dark!
