Maybe not such a romantic story

Years ago in the late eighties I was relapsing. After about 5 years of being stable I figured I would never be hospitalized again. But there I was again going in and out of hospitals.

At our county hospital we had a psyche ward but before you could get in you had to be evaluated in a separate, special room which could fit about 8 or 9 patients and some desks for about three or four staff. So basically there was a TV and some chairs and couches and the staff tried to get you in and evaluated, and then get you out as soon as possible. But the wait could take anywhere from a few hours to a couple of days. I was in this place three or four times.

But one time I was in with this really tough looking Mexican lady. She looked like she was into some hardcore stuff, maybe drugs, violence, maybe jail. I was about 28 and she looked to be about 30. She was kind of good looking in a hard kind of way and she was wearing tight jeans and man, she filled out those jeans mighty fine.

I kept checking her out and I thought I was being subtle and sneaky and I couldn’t help but keep glancing at her. But then all of a sudden she turned to be and said, “If you don’t stop looking at me I’m going to punch you in your fat nose.” I can laugh about it now but at the time she actually scared me and embarrassed me which was even worse. Yeah, it was funny, I’ll never forget that, lol.

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It has the makings of a romantic comedy screenplay if you work at it. The romance starts off on the wrong foot and progresses from there…

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It will rake in millions at the box office.

I’ll throw in some gratuitous nudity and violence scenes and I’ll be set for life.

I wonder what an “I thought you were pretty” would have caused…

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Would have opened a can of whup-ass probably. But who knows? Maybe she would have seen my heart of gold and fallen in love with me.

But you have a point. Maybe saying that would have been an ice-breaker or something. I do stuff like that now but back then: not so much.

Which actor would play you nick, Hugh Grant or John Goodman?

Neither. Maybe the bast*rd son of Richard Burton. Or Howard Stern.

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