So, long story short, I was mad at my husband for something last evening. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and as I lay awake most of the night my thoughts got more and more extreme. By this morning, I couldn’t even talk to him and seriously considered leaving. I am convinced he’d be happier without me and wrote him a text message from work saying as much. I haven’t heard back, but I’m imagining that when he gets home he’ll say “you’re right, I want a divorce.” I always jump to the extreme and it wears on both of us. I’m not sure I should’ve gotten married.
I don’t intend to ever get married. I don’t do well in relationships. Sometimes I think it would be nice if I had a good friend that I could have sex with on occasion, but I don’t think I could handle all the trust and suffocation of living with someone 24/7. It’s just too much on top of everything else.
I hope it works out for the best @Hedgehog I understand the feeling you have, I feel my partner would be much happier without me, he could have a chance of the life he always wanted instead of being my caregiver.
i think you need to work at a marriage to keep it going and there has always got to be some trust and honesty in there as well.
May I suggest a marraige counselor.
I’m married, and sometimes the best for everybody is to not be around the other person as much. Two people may be compatible, but stick a person with even their favorite person in the world, and they will tire of each other.
For example, just today I was at the laundromat with my wife. She can be very big on public displays of affection. I’m not big on that. She came up to me and kept kissing me. I asked her to back off and said that I was a little claustrophobic because I had my back to the table as she was kissing me. She looked bummed out but respected my wishes. Then we ate together. We got home and put the laundry away, and I retreated to the bedroom to play on the internet, and she let me be and went to the living room.
One of the hardest challenges we’ve endured was her losing her job and us moving to this crappy town. We were around each other 12 hours a day. I guess the point I’m trying but not succeeding at making is that sometimes people need a break from each other. She gets on my nerves after a while (and vice versa), but that doesn’t mean we don’t love each other to bits.
There have been highs and lows in our marriage. We’ve had yelling matches, but those only happen about once a year. We really rarely fight…mostly because we know each other so well we know when we need to adjust our attitudes.
Hope I said something here that you find useful. I hope you and your husband work things out. Things these days have gotten so almost everybody goes through one divorce in their life. I sincerely hope this doesn’t happen to you. We all deserve happiness and our own little slice of heaven.
I so appreciate everyone’s input! And @alien99, your sharing your own experience is very helpful, so thank you! What happened was that he kept something secret from me and he lied about something. Neither was a huge deal in the whole scheme of things, but I can’t stand lies and have told him to please not even tell little lies to me. I thought earlier that he’s bad for me because he feeds my paranoia, and reinforces my trust issues. This afternoon we had a long talk. He apologized and we worked it out as a learning experience. It is a lot of work, but I hope we took two steps forward after one step back.
I’m glad you two are trying to mend fences. This might sound a little counter-intuitive or naive, but people lie. It happens. My wife has lied to me about petty things, and I’ve told white lies myself. As long as the core trust is there, personally, I wouldn’t sweat it too much. They say the average person tells 6 lies a day. It’s just part of the human condition, you know, since we have consciousness and all that. I hope you two work out all the kinks. Divorce sucks ass (been there), and I’m glad it’s not on the table for you two. Be well!
Let me tell you a technique my therapist gave me. It’s called the one move technique. What you do is you think about something that bothers you (alone or with someone who knows what you’re doing), in this case your husband, then after getting yourself worked up a little, you think of something that makes you happy, and soon the negatives will go away. I used it for my angry ideas and you wouldn’t believe how many years I went through being so pissed that I couldn’t think. Now I’m much happier and have moved on to better things and telling myself things that mean something personal.
Wow Hedgehog, I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you can work this out in the long run.
I go to the extreme too with people and I don’t like being lied to either.
I’ve been divorced before from an abusive sociopath. I’m sorry that you experienced divorce too, and you’re right about it being hell. My husband now is a really good, smart and gentle man. I know nobody’s perfect, and that I’m blessed to be with him. I’m honest with him, though, and I need him to be honest with me. He apologized and knew he was wrong. There are burdens involved in being with me. I wouldn’t blame him if he got fed up and left someday, but I hope he doesn’t.