Malingering

How can you fake hearing voices? That stuff’s totally involuntary.

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It would be easier if it’s all real, if it was all correct. The angels, the dead, if I wasn’t sick, and there really is a plan, a chosen soul, touched with the divine, destined to join the angels that have guided me for years. Relaying lessons and rules.

Cursed to be an unknown prophet in his own time, but having a special place amongst them when I break the bonds of this plane.

I think it’s easier to believe that then to believe I’m sick, human, mortal. The promise of peace is more tempting than the reality of the situation. Maybe.

Thank you

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I’ve gone through those thoughts and come back to Earth, full circle. > < This close to full normalcy now.

Let me tell you, life is a lot more fun without people in your head barking at you 24/7.

Super creative and a great actor? Maybe I’m just that good. They tell me I’m so good I even tricked myself.

nods I’ve had quiet before, heck even just whispers I can’t make out seems like a paradise right now.

What helped you? I’m still trying to find a pill that fully helps me. And my therapy CBT tools are lacking me at the moment

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A combination of Hydrogen Gas therapy (to reduce oxidative stress and restore tight junctions in the body, those are the building blocks of the all-important blood-brain barrier and intestinal lining,) Liposomal colostrum (to restore the gut lining and reduce autoimmune inflammation / food sensitivities), and Amyloban 3399 (reduces brain inflammation appreciably, which lowers schizophrenia symptoms.)

I haven’t been on the first two long enough to tell you to take them (only been about 2 weeks for both, but getting good improvements,) but Amyloban 3399 has a good presence on this forum. Been taking that for months, and it only takes about 2 days to fully kick in. @velociraptor says it’s as good as Clozapine at reducing his symptoms!

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Thank you, i’ll look into them.

The pills I take now help reduce how loud the voices are, how much power they have over me, and my confusion, but haven’t taken them away fully.

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IMO, schizophrenics are in a battle against chronic brain inflammation. The inflammation manifests as a chemical imbalance, and subsequent schizophrenia symptoms.

The science is starting to develop on that approach.

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Tbh I would not be surprised if this is true, or at least contributes, so many diseases originate from chronic inflammation including cancer and heart disease

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I’ve struggled with thinking I’m making it up ever since I first got psychosis.
It goes like this:

  1. I’m thinking something weird.
  2. That can’t possibly be true.
  3. Maybe aliens have inserted that thought, because I wouldn’t think it - it’s too silly
  4. That can’t be true
  5. Then why am I thinking it?
  6. It looks just like schizophrenia - so I must be pretending to have schizophrenia.
  7. Why would I do that?
  8. Don’t know - must have some ‘sub-conscious’ desire for attention or something.
  9. It must be subconscious because I’m not aware that I’m making it up and can’t force it to stop.
  10. If only I could figure out Why I’m doing this!

Years and years going round this loop looking for subconscious reasons for me to be hysterical and I now accept the simpler and obvious solution that it’s a brain disease.

No amount of effort allowed me the Think my way out of it. It kind of was some kind of hope that I could one day make it stop by getting myself to stop faking it.

I thought I was the only one who went through this and reading that lots of us do it has helped heaps. I think it is just a delusion by itself. It’s because my brain can’t detect that it is functioning incorrectly and looks inwards for solutions. If only our brains could run self-diagnostics!

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I’m sure some people do it. But I think it’s not too common. Some people just want an easy buck and some sympathy.

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From what I read, it’s often schizophrenia, ocd, adhd, and MDD, and often to get something in return. Out of work, out of prison time, better prison conditions, money, sympathy, drugs.

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Pdocs know to look out for this. They have a way of asking questions and you may not even realize what they are doing. If you are on some form of government disability aid they wouldn’t have supported you. But I hear ya about obsessive thoughts. We’ll make it.

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She refuses to sign anything for government assistance, I’m not on it, my family supports me. I don’t know if I could get assistance, don’t know if I’m qualified. If I’m even sick and should try.

I don’t know if I’m able to work. Last time I did I lost insight due to the stress and thought the angel of death was talking to me. I’d lost insight and ended up on the ward after punching a mirror, going to the ER and getting evaluated.

She just asks me “do you think you can work?” And I tell her I don’t know. That’s as far as it went when I did ask her about it.

The only thing I think I want is some peace from the voices, the confusion, and thinking I’m an angel in training. But again, that could all be a lie.

I need to ask her if I’m faking it, she should know better than I do

The whole thing about “being an angel in training” is all about, IMO, pragmatism, being non-judgmental, moral (hard to do that while being non-judgmental though) and not thinking too hard.

You can do that without voices.

Like, the voices don’t provide you with more information than you already have in your head. Try not to be attached to them!

Good luck in your recovery though.

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As in a form of self enbetterment? I think everyone should constantly strive to better themselves, make the world brighter.

Difference I hear them, I think.

What if I’m faking the voices too?

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I feel like I’m just cycling back on my points. Maybe to my own detriment.

Thank you all for putting up with my ramblings

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Most of us crave self-improvement, and the voices could just be a conscious manifestation of that desire, but one that is brought about through an imbalance that can’t be simply willed away.

I wasn’t faking my voices, I just had to science my way out of hearing them.

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You should tell your dr that you can’t work if you want disability. Telling them idk doesn’t help anyone. If your hearing voices and have negative symptoms too I don’t see how you can work. Not being on disability when you deserve it is a waste

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Yeah, you should definitely go on disability while you gain your footing.

Being mentally ill in and of itself is like full time work!

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