As said above, I’m losing the desire to date or get involved romantically with someone. I want to preface by saying that I have never dated anyone before in my short 20 year life. Never in high school, and to be honest, that was probably a product of schizophrenia than anything else, as I was diagnosed the beginning of my 11th grade year. And since, I have been on a few dating apps, but it never really materialized to anything.
Also, I’m trying to restrict my romantic relationship associations to members of my faith, as we hold similar values about sex and other moral dilemmas. The one main dating app I was on was for my faith, but like I said, it never got far, as I was always ghosted or friend zoned.
With all of this said, I don’t think I’m a very desirable person. Who would want a unpredictable schizophrenic as their husband for life. I also don’t have a career (working on that), I’m not very intelligent or have any gifts or talents. I lack self-efficacy and self-esteem, and most of all I’m not attractive at all. Before you claim that I sound like an incel, I want to make the case very clear that I don’t blame any woman who doesn’t want to date me, as I don’t even like myself.
In short, I’m losing the desire to date, and in my church, thats a big no-no. But I also don’t wanna die a virgin either, but I’m not going to sacrifice my standards to do so.
Several of my friends only had a first date at 25-35. And are now happily married. Some are very weird to normal standards and/or schizophrenic and/or without a career. You are very young. Plenty chances.
I now know all your flaws (according to you). Can you tell me your good sides? I’m quite sure you have them. I suspect a few, from here.
If the NT was very okay with people being single, what exactly does your church base their judgement of you on? I think they should mind their own business (sorry for being direct). If you want to date, do. If you don’t, don’t.
I think it is nice that you want to stick with your basic values. I think women can appreciate that.
I do not really know you and I’m an “old” lady. But a few things I’ve seen you do, that I personally value a lot in a man, is that you often seem to know what you find important. What your values are. That you want to stick to them, even if it’s inconvenient. And have the courage to express them, even if they go against the “common” opinion of a certain place. And that you have faith. You seem to be honest and direct as well. For many women…these are important things. Don’t be too insecure.
I have no clue what the English word ecclesiastical means. I do understand they value marriage and family. But being single and being Christian is a perfectly fine combination (says Paul ).
Ah, okay. Is there any Christian youth groups or Christian events or Christian single holidays or so that would be a place to meet a wife with shared values/interests? I personally am underwhelmed by how people treat eachother on dating sites…Christian ones too.
Would your church be more accepting, if you focused on building a nice life for yourself first…e.g. focus on a job…if you brought it as “preparing to be a better husband in the future” or whatever?
Personally, my favorite things about my husband are his loyalty, sense of humor, quiet companionship, and similar core belief system. It has nothing to do with his career, education, or health. Don’t be discouraged. There are people out there who see beyond the surface and to the heart of who you are. They will want YOU.
I’m not usually the person to give dating advice, but…When I was 18-19 I badly wanted to date and lose my virginity. It’s all I thought about but it seemed impossible. I was positive I would never date and I would be a virgin forever.
I got to 19 years old and I was in the hospital and an older woman liked me and I liked her and we almost had sex. Then I moved into a group home where I lost my virginity to this 22 year old girl I liked. So I don’t know if this is advice but find a girl you like and be nice to her and treat her well and you may find yourself on a date.
I’m not particularly good looking or confident but I’ve had two good looking girlfriends and been on more than a few dates. They liked me because I was nice and dressed nice and I forced myself to talk. You gotta talk if you’re going to date. I was a good date, I paid for stuff and tried to have fun, so they had fun. An easy place to go on a date is the movies, you can just sit there and you aren’t expected to talk.
Later on when I was not in my right mind I had a few one night stands. But my point is that when I was your age I never thought I would date or have sex but with some perseverance and effort I managed to have a few experiences with women and as I got older and more comfortable with myself and women I even had a couple women friends and hung out with them.
This last advice is kind of tongue and cheek but just remember what Maverick said in the bar in Top Gun: you need to be in a target- rich environment to get women which means the more you are around, the more likely you will find one you like and more importantly, who likes you.
Thanks, @77nick77, I appreciate that advice. So, basically you’re saying to not give up hope. Indeed, that is what I’ve been struggling with a lot, so thank you. I will try to have a more positive outlook on life.
Nice. These activities may be a good way to meet girls naturally. Many meet a partner later on. Don’t lose hope. Good luck. (Oh, my brother is a very shy man…and he also found his wife very late in life…after never dating…and they love eachother a lot).
The reality is that women and girls behave differently and if you’re successful and you’ve built a life for yourself as an adult you’ll be able to find a partner you’re only 20 years old you have no idea where you’re being 10 years and if family is your goal you’ll find a woman who wants the same things as you
I understand your pain. I’m around your age. What @FreeLunch said is true, we have so much to figure out and we will get to them little by little, you just have to deal with all this extra stuff and what that says is that you are strong and have a good desire too keep going. I think feeling this way is normal, don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s ok. I’m still trying to figure it out.
