I have mixed feelings about my family. I am only in contact with my mother’s brother (my maternal uncle) out of both sides of my family. His kids (my cousins) dislike me. His wife (my aunt) and his bother (other uncle) all want nothing to do with me. My dad’s family completely disowned me. How did we get here? It’s not a simple answer.
As to my maternal family, I have mostly felt negative about them. They’re stuffy and overarching. But I did my fair share to alienate them. When I was 13, in 1995, I lived with my uncle - the one I’m in contact with now. My dad couldn’t (and didn’t want to) handle me, so my uncle said he’d take joint custody of me with my dad. After about 2 months of living there, we got into a fight, and I pulled a large kitchen knife. They wrestled me to the floor, and I was admitted to the state hospital for 10 months shortly thereafter. They were all justifiably upset, and never came to visit, other than to tell me they saw me as dangerous and were shipping me back to my dad. I haven’t spoken to my cousins since that night, 21 years ago. Honestly, it is not really a big deal for me because they didn’t care much for me when I was a child. They were older by 4 and 7 years or something, and relentlessly picked on me.
About 3 years ago, I researched my uncle online, and got his number. I called him out of the blue, and he was quite shocked to hear from me. Since then, our relationship has blossomed as I’m trying to be an adult and develop a closeness with him. He’s kind of a hard person to read, but I think he’s being genuine. We talk once a week like clockwork, and he’s communicating with me despite pressure from my aunt and cousins.
My other uncle is quite passive, and generally aloof and unhelpful. I never cared for him, never saw him much, and have no vested interest in him.
That’s the long and short of my mother’s side of the family. Let me talk a bit about my paternal family.
I always liked my paternal family a lot more. They were fun and loving, and I genuinely liked being around them when we went up to NYC. The fact that I haven’t spoken to ANY of them since 2001 is a loss for me. They were well aware of the acrimony between my dad and I. My grandmother in particular was very sweet with me. When my dad committed suicide in December, 2001, it was the end of the line. I called my grandma and told her my dad was dead. She shrieked at me, saying, “It’s your fault! You killed him!” I hung up and had the most conflicting feelings I’ve ever had. Part of me agreed, thinking that yes, if I had not gotten sick, he would likely still be alive. Then there was anger at her for placing blame for her son’s suicide on his troubled son. Also felt empathy for her, knowing the worst thing a parent can endure is the loss of a child. And around and around my head went, mostly blaming myself, perhaps because it was the easiest thing to do.
I also called my dad’s other two brothers. One brushed me off, and the other promised to send pictures but never did. He was always kind of an ass anyway. Some time ago, I tried reaching out to my paternal family on Facebook not having any contact information, and got rebuked.
In short, I have practically no blood family in my life, just an uncle. These days I rely on my relationship with my wife and the friends I have to fulfill the needs a family addresses. It can be very frustrating because it’s not the same. Let’s just say that if I die tomorrow, my funeral would be poorly attended.
What about you folks? Feel free to say as much as you’re comfortable with. Any similar stories, or can anyone relate/empathize?
I live with my mom, dad, and brother most of the time, but right now I’m visiting my sister. I just hungout with my sister and cousin yesterday, and had a good time. I saw my maternal family relatives growing up on some of the holidays with my mom’s one sister. With my mother’s other sister only saw her and her family when I was a child. For my dad’s family they only visited once when we were little and then I never saw them again, except for my dad’s brother. When I got to college my dad’s brother’s family reached out to email us, but I was developing schizophrenia at the time, so I never reached back. I get along with all the relatives that do talk to me, but I don’t talk much, i usually just listen to someone else talking. The only family I really had problems with was my mom. I could tell that the relatives thought that i was a bad kid because of what she said about me over the phone. They now feel sorry for me because it came out later that she had schizophrenia and that made life difficult for her and everyone else.