Once I started saying Crazy things my family stopped communicating WITH me. I don’t like folks really. After my grandma died my family sort of just stopped being my family. It’s on my dad’s side. I have problems with my dad. I have problems with my mom’s family too but not much. Really it’s just me, my bro, step-father, dad, and mom now. I can tell if someone likes me or not. There’s a difference between ‘love’ and ‘like’ I learned that a long time ago.
That and my sister has her own issues. It’s quite disappointing. Last time I worked over there for 4-6 hours, I got paid 4 bucks an hour moving rocks. I was really pissed off about that – the little pay. I think I should keep my mouth shut; focus on work; make money; and let these people piss off. Most people got problems anyways.
Once I got schizophrenia and started opening my mouth YEARS ago, my cousins in another state sort of stopped talking to me. I stopped visiting them. I guess they’re just low average people. Most of my family is. Just common folk.
I try too hard pleasing my father, but he’s got huge problems. It’s a one way street…
My mom’s mom can be weird. My uncle stopped talking to be pretty much after I told him he was a ‘deadbeat’ and he told me I’m crazy. I guess I got tired of being a caregiver and him sitting on his ass all day trying to find work while I was doing the work. I never got paid 1 cent.
A lot of my anger and stuff and resentment comes from past life memories. I can forgive but cannot forget. It changes you.
My mom, bro, and sister, and dad are my closest relatives and I care about them so much. My step-father is a great guy, but the schizophrenia-psychosis paranoia just made me paranoid about him for 10+ years. It’s unfortunate. Growing up, I got weird vibes from step-father and I just sort of ignored him and zoned out and had anger and stuff towards him. We both changed. People change with age.
To be honest, I didn’t really like my mom’s mom in a PAST LIFE. I have recall. That and she bugged the ■■■■ out of me growing up. I remember one time she sort of disowned me when she came over and my brother made a mess and she told me to clean it up. I got pissed off. Hadn’t liked her since. This was in community college years. She viewed me as super privileged, entitled, and like I was from royalty…
She’s extremely racist and tried kicking me out of my mom’s house growing up (I felt that way) because she was splitting the family up if I recall correctly.
I was no angel either.
I also have to learn respect. The medications help me a lot in that regard.
I was messed up really bad in my past lives more so than now. It took several past lives to sort through the trauma, delusion, and ■■■■■■■■.
Attending community college, I just wanted to escape or get away from my family. Ended up becoming super disabled and stuff. That’s why I went to college 700+ miles away but ended up coming back a cripple and on welfare…it destroyed me!!!
I was very arrogant, entitled, and self centered and focused on my self growing up. I cannot undo it but I have made strides and changed.