Yep. Nail on the Head Right There. x
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I was thinking about this today too… He would sometimes say something mean, and he would do it with a smile—not as constructive criticism, but as a way to make me feel worse.
And that “I don’t remember” or “I didn’t say that” is also gaslighting.
I often think about it… I was his first long-term girlfriend; we met when he was 28. He was far from being my first long-term boyfriend… I try to understand—it seems like he should have appreciated how lovingly I treated him, how I kept trying to bring something good into his life as well. And for some reason, I felt deep down that he held a lot of impatience toward me.
@Ninjastar @Naarai
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@Teaclipse, we’re going to have you post everything about your ex boyfriend in this super thread. Otherwise, there’s many topics open on him and it looks like spamming the forum.
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To be honest, my ex brought this up quite early, maybe a week or two into knowing each other, asking with a smile on his face if I wanted to experiment. He knew I loved him very much. I said no. Maybe, in a way, this was something we were simply not compatible on.
I don’t want to sound bad somehow… But it just wasn’t acceptable to me. Betrayal has always affected me deeply, it really hits me hard. And after it happens, I don’t blame the person who cheated, I blame myself and the stability of the relationship.
Is it even possible to expect any kind of loyalty?
I know there are members for whom poly relationships are acceptable, so I’m curious about their perspective as well.
Sometimes I feel really childish because of the way I see this! Most people around me, like 90% of them, don’t think the way I do on this topic…
I don’t know. Today I’m asking a lot of questions, and my heart hurts so, so much.
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Ok. As time goes I realise more and more what kind of naivety I have.
I’m a male and I have a monogamous approach to relationships. It’s completely understandable to require exclusiveness from your partner.
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if i had a partner, i would want to devote my time to her and only her, its a good quality imo
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My husband and I are monogamous to the point where we don’t socialize with the opposite sex unless we’re both present.
It works for us. My husband’s ex’s both cheated on him so I’m glad for his sake that I’m comfortable not having male friends.
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That’s very un-healthy.
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@TheCanuk , i respectfully disagree. It’s not for everyone but it works for us
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Most people aren’t into poly relationships. Doing that because you don’t feel like you can find someone loyal is not recommended.
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You guys are allowed to do that. Im not saying you guys are doing anything wrong. I just think its very un-healthy. Theres millions of men and women friendships in the world that aren’t sexual. Men and women can definitely be only friends.
When I get in my next relationship, I will make it very clear to her that im very comfortable with her having male friends. Its a show of trust and not being controlling.
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They say men are afraid of smart women… and I’m also someone who’s very authentic, and I feel like I have the right to allow myself to be who I am. Plus, no matter how much my mom tried to teach me how to play games, even as a child I knew that I either wanted to shut myself off completely from this false world or to be brutally honest. I chose the second option. It’s hard to be with me. Truly. And I think, even if these traits mean I’ll end up alone with my books, arguments, and sometimes heavy loneliness… maybe that’s not so bad.
Well, I didn’t fit the illusion my family or the man I loved had of me. I don’t adapt.
The only one who told me was my stepfather: “Allow yourself to be an idealist. Allow yourself to be yourself. Even if it means many people won’t like it.”
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I’m sorry, this is such uninteresting information.
I am strong, and I will climb out of all of this. It’s just that now the plan of going back to those silly master’s studies and pursuing my career on my own is returning.
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Hey. A lot of people would say that what I wrote are good qualities. They’re not bad, but they make things difficult both for me and for the people around me.
Thanks for those who read this thing.
They say, play stupid games, win stupid prices.
You should focus on yourself. Study, work on yourself and build a future to yourself.
I’ve read some of your posts. Your family seem very toxic. It’s good that you aren’t like them.
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They really are toxic, but I won’t lie—these days, when I’m struggling after the breakup, they’ve been acting quite gentle. They asked me not to make any drastic or impulsive decisions, let me cry around them, and listened.
My stepdad, to be honest, even while at work, sends me random stuff on Gmail about space or “rules for a happy life.” Articles…
I think the time we spent apart has, in a way, shown us that we need to appreciate each other more.
Even though I still haven’t really forgiven them for the violence that happened during my teenage years and so on, I’m trying to maintain respect.
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That’s good. But try to remember, respect is mutual. It’s good that they allow you to be vulnerable. But if they revert to their old ways you need to have boundaries.
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I never had a partner who was truly willing to put in the effort for me. One thought keeps flashing in my mind right now—there’s even a book with this title—“Why Men Love ■■■■■■■.”
I’ve thought a lot about how I need to be different. But. No matter how much I’ve tried, that insecurity always comes back, that naivety, that desire to please. It’s hard to become the person society wants you to be.
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I was very honest with my feelings and, unknown to me, possibly had ADHD (you know everything that goes with that), depression, anxiety, going through a divorce and, also unknowingly, developing schizophrenia when I met my now husband at 24 years old.
I was drawn to him because of the way his character was described. He sounded very forgiving and mature enough to understand me. I doubt you’ll end up alone. You have an advantage of knowing about your MI, ADHD and having treatment for it.
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