Honestly? I’m feeling pretty sad today. The medication helps keep some calm in my body… but. I’m breaking up with my boyfriend. I don’t know… he wanted a different kind of woman. Someone prettier. Thinner… For the first time, I feel like I never want to change how I look just so a man would love me. He should love me as I am. I loved him, deeply… But maybe that 32-year-old man needs to grow up – if he wants some beauty queen, then at least let him earn more money for it. I feel like I’m writing impulsively, it hurts to leave him… but I don’t want this anymore. I feel so much more than he does, and in the long run, our paths would have split anyway.
I sent him so many messages… All he gives me back is some kind of dissatisfaction. I’m tired. I don’t know, I’m incredibly naive, but I’m not stupid, I’m not a bad person – but I let this person hurt me so much… He doesn’t care. Even if it’s Asperger’s, I don’t want to keep waiting, hoping, forgiving… For the first time in my life, I feel that in my next relationship, I want to feel loved. Truly loved, not just as much as is convenient for a man… Ugh, looks like it will be another sleepless night – Concerta and a breakup at the same time definitely won’t help me sleep.
I think the point here is that when you don’t love someone, you see more flaws in them. @shutterbug Maybe if it were a different woman with a similar body type, she would make him feel completely different. I will always wish him the best, but I can’t keep using my time trying to prove something to him. I don’t want this one-sided relationship anymore.
I guess I just need to rest now. I had placed so many hopes… he was the first person I truly loved.
And he ended up being the one who hurt me the most. I hope that soon my heart will quiet down and forget. @Joker
Can I write one more thing? I don’t know, but it hurts so much inside… I couldn’t betray him, even when there were chances – during our relationship, if another man texted or tried to talk to me, it felt like I could only see him in my mind, I would always compare everyone to him… I didn’t want anyone else. Why is that? Why didn’t he feel the same way about me? Even looking at it objectively… I’m not such a bad, mean, or unkind person – yes, I have some ugly sides, I’m very impulsive, I don’t always control my tongue, and sometimes it feels like I only think about myself… but I don’t believe that anyone will love him the way I did. Before me, he couldn’t find a woman at all. I would have given all of my time just for him to see me the way I saw him. I’m crying.
And when I look at our messages… I was the one texting him 90% of the time, I was trying so hard. When I think about it logically, oh God, what a fool I was! But when you love someone, that’s just how it is. I never used to think it could be like this… that I would let someone treat me so poorly. It hurts so, so much. I feel like I want to tell everyone just how hard it is for me right now.
I just want this feeling to gently ease a little more with each day. That’s the only thing I wish for myself right now.
well it sounds like you’ve passed the decision to leave him…now for healing…i say date again as soon as possible to get over him…we call it rebounding here…
I blocked you on Facebook and Instagram because I don’t want to see what you’re doing, what you’re watching, what you’re liking anymore.
I had a good time with you. I’m grateful for meeting you, even for the false hopes, because I learned many lessons. But that’s it now; we really need to move on. I loved you endlessly, know that, but I can’t keep forgiving anymore.
I never needed your money or your perfumes… all I wanted was not to feel like a fool. I wanted to be the one you loved the most, I wanted you to choose me every single day. Unfortunately, I no longer have the will or the strength.
So much time has passed, and I loved you more with each day, while you looked at me like I was just any other person. You left me when I wanted to end my life. You left me when I couldn’t sleep at all at night.
We’re not meant to be. I hope you find someone worthy of your love. Goodbye.
I just want to say how foolish I was… I forgave everything. The infidelity. The lies. The insincerity. I acted the complete opposite myself… In the last few months I barely had any money, but with his money I still bought food for his family, shampoo, little treats… I gave so much of myself. I loved him deeply. I know this time I’m doing the right thing. I have to trust this feeling and try to move forward.
About the age gap… Give it a try. @dreamer54 I think anything is possible — people the same age can build beautiful relationships, and so can couples with an age difference, even a big one… But for myself, I’d like my next partner to be no more than five years older. And right now, I just want to distance myself a bit from everything.
He kept saying that I crave luxury and wealth… As if he was trying to prove, maybe even to himself, that I was using him. I never did that. Plus, my family is actually much better off financially… I really don’t want to be discredited by anyone anymore. Either someone will love me deeply, or I will end the relationship immediately, like I did with him now. Just not after four years again…
It sounds like breaking up is a healthy decision for you mentally and emotionally.
You shouldn’t have to put in 90% of the effort. Effort, yes, but the vast majority of it? No.
I disagree with rebounding as @jukebox suggested. A better idea is to take some time healing. Think for a good while what you want in a relationship with a clear mind (which means some time away from relationships to heal) and once your settled within yourself, try again
He’s definitely crazier than you are. He’s throwing away a perfectly beautiful woman, both inside and out. And your figure is perfect too. You don’t have to lose an ounce.