Wow cuz one of the people in my abuse passed away I brought it up and she suggest I do some more emdr. Well it was really intense and disturbing in a way but beneficial too. Glad we did it.
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Is that when you watch the balls on the screen? 
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hello old friend.
I’ve been recommended to do it too, but haven’t.
is it like reliving to make you aware, then change?
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There’s a lot of different methods she just kinda waives her fingers and tells me to follow them. While we revisit the trauma in a safe way.
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I’ve had emdr. It’s about refocusing on something, therapist s fingers, and following therapeutic suggestions until you aren’t reliving it anymore, but watching it like it’s a movie.
I couldn’t handle it. We had to stop. I was suicidal.
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I’m glad it helped you. When I tried it I had a flashback to a severe beating I endured. I freaked out. I don’t think it’s for me.
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Honestly today’s session might’ve made me worse. I think we went at it too hard. But I’ll recover but been feeling disturbed and depressed
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@LilyoftheValley
@Jonnybegood
I also has to stop emdr. It opened up a portal to experiences that I didn’t know about and or things that I could not handle.
I’m sorry you two didn’t get a better outcome.
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0-10 years old was good for me. I had complications at my birth but those years were good to me. Then at around my 11tg birthday I was taking a piss in a urinal when my “friend” at the time looked down and says “omg you have a small penis” and then he was like “do you have a small penis?” And I was like “yeah” because I had no idea whether small or big or anything was bad and I was completely uncorrupted at that point. And just in shock. Then he goes and tells everyone in camp from my school also that my penis was small. Well This kid sean says “you’re never gonna get married, you’re never gonna have sex” and I went home that night and I researched and found out I was like average size and I didn’t even start puberty. But like it doesn’t matter. But I had an inflated/deflated sense of myself. And then I pretended to be a different person on the internet then myself. And it was schizoaffective and it was all caused by this one incident. Sean and Keith bullying me at 11 years old was the reason for sza, ptsd, drug/alcohol addiction maybe. Well Sean passed away this past week or 2 and it’s brought up some uncomfortable feelings. My therapist is really supportive but she was like “did it ever occur to him…he’s never gonna get married himself”. Now that he’s dead, and it just brought uncomfortable thoughts. I know she means well but it’s a tough situation. But what really set me off is the idea of a feeling of separation ever since THAT MOMENT.before that I was popular good with girls. Athletic cool good in school. And then I just felt different from everybody. I’m sick of feeling this way. People don’t understand me. I tell my therapist I put on a mask/fake identity to cover up my insecurities/traumas and it drives people away/gives them unrealistic expectations of me.
I told her I don’t feel I could ever have a relationship. And it was a heavy session. And she asked what I would say to my eleven year old self and I said nothing could’ve saved me from this trauma. And a lot of things. And ■■■■life sometimes. Like I understand we may get high expectations and they don’t get fulfilled and that’s part of life but when there’s constant abuse. And emdr reminded me of it all.
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We understand you. We haven’t been what you’ve been through, but many people on here understand you. You are not alone.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that abuse and that reliving it today hurts you!
I would tell your eleven your old self and am telling you now that YOU MATTER! YOU ARE VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT! YOU ARE SPECIAL! No one can take that from you!
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Thanks @FlyingPurplePeopleMeeter that means a lot. I’m having a tough afternoon but maybe it’ll get better sometime idk when it seems like never but idk thanks
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You seem like a tough guy. You can make it through. 
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That’s a helpful thing for you to say. Thanks graybear 
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Awww. It’s so hard. What are you doing to cope?
It is hard because it’s like this one event when I was so innocent completely changed my life for me forever I think. I tried making a song or writing some stuff I might go walk in the woods now.
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Making a song and writing sound great! A walk in the woods sounds really helpful, too!
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Its really tough to relive past traumas but sometimes sh!t happens man. Im sorry you had to go through that, especially right around puberty bullying like that can really mess a someone up. Take time to process it and Im sure youll come out the other side
You could do all these things once, you can do them again.
That is a pretty rude comment. 
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I’ve heard him tell this same story about ten times,
I’m trying to give him some solid, maybe harsh, advice.
I understand what you are saying but, People deal with things differently. Just ignore him then. 
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