Since I got ill at 19, 10 years ago I can’t recall any joy or meaning. I always see the negative in everything.
I view happy, well adjusted and productive people as nothing more than lucky.
I don’t really have any goals or ambitions. It’s honestly scared me at times but I can’t change. The one thing I do want to excell at is something I never will. Just feels like my life is a cruel joke.
I’m sometimes optimistic when I think about recovery until I remember the one constant in my life. That im always hoping for better while things are always just ending up worse.
Sorrrryyy had to rant a little. And curious if anyone else feels like this or if its just me. Cause I honestly feel like im at the lower end of the low end spectrum.
Also may request temp ban for a break from site after this one.
I was going to post a topic about how I don’t have any depth of feeling really. I was wondering if anyone else had any answers. Looks like you beat me to it.
People who are fulfilled probably have an itch to scratch and have scratched it! I don’t have any itches to scratch.
One thing I will say is, we’re in the survival game now. Pleasure etc has kind of taken a back seat for a lot of us.
@Bagul1 yeah i get what you mean about cant recall joy or meaning. The thing with deep depression is that while your in it, it makes it difficult to remember how you felt back when youve felt joy and contentness. It seems it wipes your memory of having good emotions in the past and the depression is all there has ever been. Which isnt true. I think that you should hold out and do what you can to take care of yourself. Some day sooner or later you will break free from the funk and think to yourself ‘huh i actually feel okay right now’. And the wait would be worth it.
Ive done this a lot. Basically just waiting out the numbness/depression. Eventually things tip back towards poaitivity.
Good luck
