I dont know if im happy or not !
I have these thoughts of when i was a kid right up until 18 where life was so beautiful.
Nowadays I take a AD but I want back at how it used to be !
Do you think its possible to get back to that state of mind !
P.S Im not saying I want to be happy every hour of the day, I just want to feel something good for once in a while !
Sorry for rant.
Wallafish
I have my moments.
I dunno-- things are so much simpler as kiddos, I think that’s why we might believe we were happier then.
I sometimes get caught up in the trap of wishing I could turn back time, but it’s impossible to do (until they invent time machines anyway, lol).
Wishing you some sunshine, @anon39015889 
Hello Tuna fish.
Yea you right, things are simpler as kids. I just wish I could get some sort of excitment for things again.
I feel so flat !!
Anyways,
Thanks for reply.
Let me know when you build that time machine, ill be the first one there ! 
I don’t know if I’m allowed to be happy after destroying lots of lives.
I dont think you have destroyed any lives?
Why do you think that?
You such a nice person 
I’ve destroyed my ex-boyfriend’s life because of my sz.
I destroyed his life because of my mental illness.
You have an illness.
He should have respected that and if he didnt stick it through with you, then good riddance to him.
He wasnt worth it tbh
I know. But still, his life is important, and I ruined it. I need to self-harm or something to punish myself…
No no, plz dont do that !!!
Are u on meds?
I’m not completely happy, but not unhappy.
What is this happy you speak of?
I am not consistently happy. I have this esteem hole I have to fill with accomplishments of some sort, lest it empty out and make me feel useless again.
Were you good at some kind of sport as a youth? If you reconnect to that you can feel good again. I recently got back into FPS gaming and just a few minutes of it gave me an esteem boost that lasted for hours. This is even with meds.
Overall I would say I’m not happy, but there are moments when I catch glimpses of it. I think I’m getting closer to being happy. I’m working my way towards it.
Yea i tried a few sports hey.
I just listened to the old lion king songs and remembered how life was just fun.
Life just aint that fun anymore tbh ?
What fps game u play?
I hear what you’re saying. Rose colored glasses and such.
Life still is fun to me, and I’m like 10 years older than you. Might have to do with my low med dose though.
I just got back into Team Fortress 2. Ancient game, c. 2007.
Playing with Expert bots at the moment. Not ready to go live yet.
Do you play any FPS?
Yea sometimes i play CSGO.
But not often anymore.
What low dose meds u take?
CSGO I got into for a few months. Fun stuff.
I take Haldol 2 mg and Paliperidone 3 mg PRN.