I came out of my depressive episode. My functioning is pretty much back to normal. I have stopped having the hyperrealistic demon dreams and haven’t really seen them around. However lately every time I try to sleep I am filled with terrible anxiety to the point of struggling not to throw up from stress. Its not like i am thinking of anything when it happens, I’m literally just trying to sleep…my seroquel and Ativan combined weren’t touching it…so I has to up my dose and took 150 mg of seroquel and a couple nights even took 2 ativan and that seems to do the trick. I didn’t take the ativan tonight because I don’t want to make a habit of it but already I feel unable to sleep and somewhat restless.
I am feeling very grumpy about living at my parents and wish I could get my own place. My dad constantly harasses me to work out. I want to tell him he can take his micromanagement and shove it where the sun don’t shine. I am an adult, if I want to work out I will. If I don’t want to, butt out. And both my parents get so upset if I don’t visit with them during the day and come down for every meal. It’s like sorry I am trying to pretend to have some semblance of independence. I didn’t visit with them every day before I lived with them…I just wish I could move out but we have no money. We just spent all our savings to pay off my husband’s credit card bill, which is awesome thats a LOT of debt gone, but I just feel disheartened. At the same time I’m anxious because I am doing better living with my parents than I have ever done living on my own and am kind of scared for me and my husband to be on our own again…I don’t know. I’m just tired of my dad trying to control me.
summary: I’m not depressed or having bad nightmares anymore but am struggling with anxiety at night and bad insomnia. My dad is driving me nuts trying to control me and force me to exercise. I wish my husband and I had our own place but I actually am doing way better living with my parents. Ugh.