I have not really been spending time with my family when I’m home for the past few weeks. This break I pretty much isolated myself in the room most of it. My parents said they were sad we didn’t talk much. I don’t want them to worry so I haven’t told them that it’s because my symptoms have been really bad lately. I think my brain couldn’t handle the depression and is starting to fall into psychosis again. Demons have been talking to me but I’m just trying to ignore them. I’ve been talking with God…my dreams have become so vivid and real and I spend more than half the day dreaming now…I just feel my head getting fuzzier. But isn’t this better than the pain I felt before? I don’t know. I don’t want to deal with anything right now. Everything keeps getting more and more tangled.
If I tell my mom and dad what good would come of it? They already worried I’d have to be hospitalized again during school and wouldn’t graduate and I don’t want them to think that will happen again. I will get through this. It’s just very obnoxious it’s happening as this semester hasn’t even been stressful at all!! So all of this came out of nowhere!!
If I can just make it through this month, if I still need to I can do inpatient over winter break. I have to make it through this month, it’s the last of the semester. Maybe by then I will be totally fine again.
Not to be rude but have you gone off medication? Maybe swtiching meds will help? If you’re trying life off the meds, hang in there. It can be difficult to cope. Thought I can’t advise stopping treatment I figure we should be supportive of our fellow sufferers, meds or not. Still though, being off meds is extremely difficult.
I tried life without meds and did well for about a year. Although ultimately, I started losing my mind. There is no shame in acknowledging the benefits of medications, still it is difficult for me to accept I have to be on medication for the rest of my life but at least I’m coherent now for the most part.
I can relate. The first month I was off meds was hellish, I didn’t sleep for about a week. Eventually, I started doing a little better, then later I did very well, was living on my own, went back to school, things were looking good for me, even met some friends and a couple gals, but then my mental health suddenly began to decline. I should mention before that I was completely sober, not even cigarettes, I had a couple beers and my mental health went downhill off the meds. I think there is heavy withdrawal symptoms from psychotropic meds. Maybe if I lead a completely sober life and eat a balanced nutrious meal, like veggies and fruit, I’d fare better but I think while off meds it’s still a matter of time before schizophrenia rears it’s ugly head. There’s no shame in getting help Anna. You made it a month, but you shouldn’t suffer more than you have to off meds.
Hahaha yes I knew that quote would come back to bite me in the butt someday. I didn’t quit meds because I thought I was “better” and didn’t need them anymore, I quit them because I got sick of the side effects.
I understand. You and a few others here have always been very wise, in my perception, and then I also know how easy it is for many of us to get really down on ourselves when we go off our meds and then suffer the consequences, like there is a sort of low-key message of, “Well it’s your own fault, stupid,” that I pick up on from most communities, professionals and even from each other (even though we mean well most of the time). I didn’t intend to throw the comment in your face have it “bite you in the butt” so I’m sorry if it came across that way by accident. I just think it’s a good reminder that 1. you are a very wise person, and 2. even the wisest among us still struggle with compliance. It’s a very rough and complicated thing.
