Schizophrenia.com

Relating to siblings

#1

I am living with my parents. I have two elder siblings who still maintain contact with us. They just live across the street. We can look at their apartments outside the window.

After my discharge from the hospital, my siblings have stopped talking to me. It has been three years. I have never been invited to their home again. Sometimes they come over and we stay in the same room for a few hours without any conversation. It is as if they don’t see me. Sometimes I open the door for them and greet each of them. They avoid eye contact and say nothing. If i talk to them, they usually act like they cannot listen clearly and therefore do not respond. I have tried to send them text. Not often but I did. No immediate response but yelling later when we meet. In recent months, my family began to have dinners together but leaving me at home. They only invite my mother or my father.

IDK, I think it is clear enough that I am not welcomed. But it often comes up to my mind I want to better get along with them. My friend suggested me to take up a job and avoid seeing them. I don’t know. Doesn’t sound like a good idea.

I wonder if any of u have similar experience and have got some good advice.

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#2

Ask them directly face to face if they don’t want to be apart of your life.
Give them a chance to respond interrupted. Be ready to accept their reply (or no reply is still an answer) with out getting to emotional.
Thank them for their honesty, and keep in mind, people do change their minds, sometimes it just takes time for them to see you are still the same good person, no matter what label you wear.

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#3

It is heart breaking when a sibling acts like this. I am still trying to patch things up with two brothers. The other brother and I have a lot of resentment and other garbage to sort through.

I’m trying to figure something very helpful to say, but I hate it when I hear of siblings being out right rude. Just because we have a mental illness doesn’t mean we can now be treated with out the basic politeness that would be shown perfect strangers.

You might have to cut them out for a while and not let them cause you unhappiness. That isn’t going to let you heal. I do like Csummersx comment. If your up for it and you can handle a negative reaction if you get it, you could ask and be very direct.

I had a brother treat me like I was dead for a very long time. He had an urn on his mantle for a while as way to tell him that I was dead and gone and couldn’t hurt him anymore. When I started getting better he would come around a little more but he still couldn’t admit I was his brother.

It took a while for him to see I was really doing better, and it took while for him to heal and come to his own terms. It’s taken almost 10 years but we’re patching up the friendship now.

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#4

I have a brother who is a bit younger than me - 2 yrs. He is married and has a very high power stressful job and a lot of work and family related responsibilities. I know that my brother has a lot of resentment towards my father, and to some degree my mother for the necessary attention they gave me - Im SZ hes not after all.
My brother like so many normals - not all, but some have a very narrow view on what it really means to be suffering with SZ or SZA - its the same. He thinks I can magically get over my illness when I want to. He is thinking about his future and Im sure his wife, my sister in law has a lot to say on the matter - Hes thinking Wow I am going to have to watch over my schizophrenic brother? What about my son - my wife - my social events - my friends =- my quality of life?? His wife feeds him drama and doom, so she can get all of the attention (personality disorder??
Instead of facing me and talking it through with me, he broke off ties with my father and me for about 6 months.
Normal people with normal lives are afraid of the unknown - we are a big question mark to them. We are sometimes seen as a burden or they may have resentment against us because of the attention they missed as children growing up. Now things look a bit better for me, the problem was with him, not me. He suffers from stress ,depression and burnout. Instead of balancing his family with his relatives - brother, father, mother - he decides to shut us out. I dont respect my brother too much for his actions, but I have to rely on him less - he is not going to be my solution. Hes got enough problems. My advice to you would be to reach out to people that want you in their lives, that are supportive, not all family members are going to be this way. Keep the door open though, after all they might come to their senses.

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#5

I think I have tried to tell them I wanted to spend more time with them. Both of they rejected that. Every time I tried to talk to them, they excluded me even more. Maybe I just need to live with the fact that my siblings don’t want me anymore.

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#6

I’m currently trying to make some personal decisions regarding my own sister(s). Nothing like what you are experiencing. I’m sorry that you are experiencing this. For a long time, years, I have accepted being treated certain ways due to my unhealthy past, being an addict, and the pain that I caused my family. I think eventually there comes a point where you need to say enough is enough. That your feelings do matter and that you don’t need to keep putting yourself out there and getting hurt. Certainly a lot easier said then done when you want to have a better relationship with them but it takes both sides to build a relationship and if they are unwilling to see the great person that we see then it is their loss.

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#7

I think it is a very practical advice, to cut them out for a while and walk away from the oddness. Actually, it means don’t try to initiate any contact, as I have no control if they walk into my home at any time.

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#8

Sibling relations is a weird thing for me, probably because I have so many. Three younger brothers and the kid sis. One of my brothers holds huge amounts of resentment and to this day things are still stressed. But his posh life is growing dark. He is about ready to crumble. It’s sad to see. But there is nothing anyone can do until the crash happens. He is suffering mentally so I can see now his actions have nothing to do withe me really.

When I wasn’t doing well my parents, like all parents I’m sure, were worried about “what to do with J” But not all parents have an “R”

My kid sis Riley always said she was going to take care of me. I think she sort of diffused a lot of tension in the family. My brothers were always sort of… “Oh well, Riley will handle it if anything happens to the parents”

Do I feel guilty? OH yeah. That is another motivation for trying to stay med compliant, stay sober, keep getting my butt out of bed and keep trying.

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#9

Hi Wave, my siblings hold the believe that I am possessed by demons or ghosts and am not cleaned. We were close for many years but seldom get into any contact ever since I fell into a psychosis. According to my mom, my sibling said she never wanted to have anything to do with my parents and me again. She says we are troubles.

Your suggestions are very sensible, as you always do. My friend says she doesn’t get along with her siblings either. She said I can consider her part of my family. I know I still have some support. But family are family, friends cannot take over the role of family. Friendships usually don’t last long enough.

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#10

You do have a lot of good motivation. :sunny:

I think “R” is really a rare type we all want to take care of and protect them.

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#11

I feel that there are some times when friends can be stronger then family because they choose to be with you, not just happened to be blood relation.

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#12

I know you are going through a lot with your siblings. I know there is a lot of difficulties. Don’t take it personally. Those are not your fault. You are trying hard enough to repair the relationship. :wink:

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#13

A good point. :relieved:

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#14

@goggles I think you should keep yourself healthy, if remaining healthy means not getting involved with toxic people, then you should consider taking care of your needs and health first. When and if your siblings decide to come around and start making sense and when they start treating you with some respect, that will be great. Dont wait for it.
When my brother acted like a baby and broke ties with us for no real reason, I let it go - I knew he woulld come around at some point

@BarbieBF I wanted to emphasize the point again, maybe I was not clear enough before. Not every non schizophrenic is going to be misguided and behave in a selfish manner towards their schizophrenic sibling or family member. I have to keep reminding myself that MANY non schizophrenics get us and they do care.
My aunt is a prime example of this, and so are you.

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#15

Well they’re ignorant assholes who don’t understand the concept of a mental illness so phuck them. I have to be honest about people like that, they’re garbage, and if they’re christian, they’re hypocrites. People can be dicks to us, don’t waste your time or energy on them if they don’t have any compassion for someone with a brain disease. My sister isn’t exactly nice all of the time, but she’s bipolar and wont take a mood stabilizer so her behavior is gonna be disorderly, I mean what do you expect from someone with an untreated mental illness…

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#16

Well have you got any family members telling you that it is a waste of time getting together with you after you’ve got the diagnosis? I do. I do have a lot of questions into that.

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#17

No. I am highly functioning and I am on a full scholarship to college and I am a powerlifter. I wouldnt take that ■■■■■■■■ to my face without an argument or at least a “■■■■ you too”. I don’t let people blow me off as “crazy”. I am also in remission due to successful medications, so there is no reason for people to inhumanely demote me to some lesser status.

Even if I wasn’t recovered and highly functioning, family is not supposed to disown you for a genetic disorder. They would kiss your ass if you had cancer, so they should at least acknowledge that you exist if you have schizophrenia. It’s not like we chose to be schizophrenic. My case is organic and it runs on one side of my family and I showed signs as a child, I know this because my parents spent over 1000$ on a complete evaluation. I was destined to become schizophrenic as a young adult. Therefore, I wouldnt be cool with people thinking that being mentally ill is my fault, because it’s simply not, just like grass isnt red.

You just have shitty family members. Im sorry.

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#18

You know what I’ve been finding hard to take… keeping my nose out.

Youngest brother and I… cool.
Youngest brother and kid sis… world war 3 right now.
He is just basically effing with her for fun. He is in out patient rehab, he is swinging wildly, his brian is reeling from being clean/sober and lucid. He mentally broke, lost almost everything and is trying to repair… But #$%@

Man he is being cruel. Off the chart cruel. Even when I was at my worst I would never do what he’s been doing.
To me… the best little bro ever. To my kid sis? Evil SOB.
This is a hard thing to watch. I have no idea what to on this one.

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#19

@mortimermouse

You seemed to be SO determined and am still able to achieve something in your life. My ecological environment seems to suggest to me all the time, when I’m not about to achieve anything anymore, I don’t deserve to be a part of their lives.

I just don’t know how to be high achieving again. I doubt what is the value of my life.

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#20

Maintain the good relationships with both sides. Don’t intervene.
Nothing more you can do at present.

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