Post jokes!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says “Why the long face?” The horse says “I’ve just realized I’m a metaphysical concept within a fictional narrative, and will cease to exist at the end of this sentence.”
5 Likes
I…actually…don’t have any jokes 
I’m in reality a very serious person…I make my own jokes while acknowledging that they are not really all that funny but in fact usually quite corny. But when it comes to telling a joke like that…I got nothing.
Mickey mouse’s lawyer stood up in court and said “Mickey Mouse wishes to divorce Minnie Mouse on terms of insanity”…Mickey Mouse stood up and said (use his voice) “I didn’t say she was crazy I said she was f@cking Goofy !!”
4 Likes
How do you organize a party in space?
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You plan-et!
3 Likes
Just before thanksgiving Jim and Eddie are out hunting for turkeys when Jim collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Eddie gets out his cell phone and calls 911.
He gasps, ‘My friend Jim is dead! What can I do?’ The operator says, ‘Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
“Ok”, Eddie says, "now what?’
4 Likes
Have you been reading Kafka?
1 Like
Two explorers were wandering through the jungle and got captured by wild jungle people and the chief walks up to the first explorer and says. “Bontu or death?” the explorer answers “bontu” and the whole tribe raped him and then let him go. The chief walked up to the second explorer and said “bontu or death?” the second explorer after seeing what bontu meant said “death!” The chief turned to the tribe and exclaimed “Death by bontu !!”
A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says ‘brains for sale.’
He goes over to investigate and sees a sign that says 'Doctor brains $8.00 a pound’ and another sign that says ‘Paramedic brains $12.00 a pound, Nurses brains $30.00 a pound, truck driver $40.00 a pound and lawyers brains $90.00 a
pound.’
So he asks the man behind the cashregister, “how come his brains are only worth 8.00 and a lawyer’s worth 90.00?”
The man replies, “do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?”
2 Likes
What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
2 Likes
OR, “They are like new, they’ve never been used”!
This joke is stolen:
Guy is being a moron and is asked “did you eat alot of paint chips when you were a kid?”
He answers “Why?”
Thats from an old movie and i stole it because im not funny and not creative.
Where did Jesus go to have his robe hemmed ?
Lord and Taylor