Heads, I win. Tails, you lose.
2 Likes
Chicken chicken winner dinner.
1 Like
A tiny box is labeled 3-piece chicken dinner. Inside are 3 kernels of corn.
2 Likes
If an Iceland and Cuban are married their kid will be called Little Ice-cubes
1 Like
mickey mouse and minnie mouse were getting a divorce…mickey’s lawyer stood up and said, “mickey mouse wishes to divorce minnie mouse on terms of insanity”…mickey stood up and yelled. " I didn’t say she was crazy I said she was facking goofy !!"
4 Likes
What forms H2O ?
H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
When I was a kid we mated our male bulldog with the female shI tzu next door. When it had a puppy we called it a bulls*it.
1 Like
Someone’s been eating on the highway.
How do you know that?.
There’s a fork in the road.
4 Likes
I heard your standup,
I am a great fan,
You should be the ceiling 
Why is it that Donald Duck never wears pants but when he gets out of the shower he always wraps a towel around his waist?
2 Likes
Why does he do that ?
Yeah, that’s what I’m asking.
1 Like
King Arthur was preparing to leave to go fight in the crusades and before he left he had a special chastity belt made for Guinevere. It had a miniature guillotine in it at the crotch. He felt she would be safe so he got on his horse and rode off to fight.
After three long years he returned. The first thing he did was assemble all the Knights of the Round Tableland then he ordered everybody to drop their pants. Everyones private parts were bloody and mangled and torn, all except for Sir Lancelot. King Arthur looked around at all his knights with kingly disdain. He says,“I couldn’t trust any of you but my loyal friend Sir Lancelot is honest. Sir Lancelot tell these knights how good you are and what knaves they are” But Sir Lancelot was speechless.
4 Likes
A cop pulls over a woman for speeding and walks up to her window. He says ,”Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m going to have to write you a ticket.”
The woman bends forward and shows some cleavage and gives him a seductive smile. She says,”I always heard you never give tickets to beautiful women.”
He answers, “You’re right, we don’t", and handed her the ticket.
Another joke
A man is talking to his psychiatrist and he says, “Doc, you gotta help me, some days I wake up and I feel like a teepee and other days I wake up and feel like a wigwam.”
The psychiatrist says, “You’ll be OK, you’re just two tents.”
2 Likes
OMG!!! 
1 Like
“It may sound a little far fetched but did you hear about the dog who ran 10 miles to fetch a stick?”
1 Like
Say, did you hear about the dyslectic atheist who didn’t believe in Dog?
1 Like
Drink until you want me.
I can’t drink that much.
A blind man walked into a bar. Then a chair. Then a table.
3 Likes
It’s winner winner chicken dinner. My boss says it a lot
1 Like