Joke about schizophrenia

no I don’t ask the voices for advice, I’m normal, if I want advice I ask a magic 8 ball.


not a schizophrenic joke but my sister made this one up it’s a charmer.

“knock - knock”

“who’s there”


“Sticks who?”

“I’m just going to the bottom of the garden to get some sticks for the fire, dear.”


all jokes have a pleasure and a similar pain and the pleasure is said to be painful and the pain is said to be pleasureful.

Whey do the mentally ill do so well in the Winter Olympics?

Because they Ski so effective.


Do the shuffle - The Lithium Shuffle.

Am I richer than a Hollywood actress? Let’s just say I have more money than 2 broke girls


A schizophrenic wanders into a bar and orders a drink. Everybody else in there looks up and says. “Wow, that schizophrenic just wandered into a bar and ordered a drink”.


I don’t get no respect. Take my wife. Please.

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A schizophrenic decides to run for President. His psychiatrist tells him to slow down and not make any hasty decisions. So he fires that psychiatrist and gets a new one who has a little more faith in him.


Here’s one from @skitzobill , the stand up comic:

“If a schizophrenic stares at a girl for long enough, she becomes his girlfriend”


He was so good on that video. Getting a taxi to the top of the bridge!

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Here’s another video. I haven’t watched it, so if @skitzobill offends anyone in this, then it’s not my fault!

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Schizophrenic poem

Roses are red
Violettes are blue
I’m a schizophrenic
And so am I

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And part 2

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A schizophrenic runs out of medication. The lady at the bank tells him, “That’s no excuse sir, you have to wait in line just like everybody else”.

The schizophrenic visibly perturbed, answers, “But my bi-polar girlfriend was in here just last week and the teller let her right through”.

The women at the bank puts on her best smug smile and says coolly, “I rest my case”.

I ask my pillow.

the first 200 jokes are harder to write and less funny. just keep practicing. eventually it will be a habit.

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I guess that’s the sugar coated truth.

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This Christmas at my grandfather’s house we played Bad Santa and the first gift I opened was a machete.