I never was happy, never I think 
now, I struggle. but I am getting old and ive lost everything. I never had it actually but what an illnessā¦ how many years you lost too? I look around me, I look the teenagers outside and the world seemed to me like it moved forward. I was in another dimension for all these years wow :Dā¦ but ive decided to live isnāt it?
in this moment- I am too dumb because of my med, I feel strange and really not fine. but I know tomorrow I will be relieved in the dayā¦
Have you ever tried an antideppressant. I started one called Brintellix (Vortioxetine) and itās made a big difference in me. Iāve gone from laying in bed all day to preparing to start my own business.
ive tried ads in the past, I dont like them. I am not depressed, I just point the fact that I spent all these years behind 4 walls. I guess nobody here cant compete with me. cause ive spent 15 years almost isolated in one room :/ā¦ its the negative symptoms of the schizophrenia. @seriouslydisturbed, I think ill can do it just with my current treatment. I felt better today , its juste the evenings that I dont feel fine after taking the pill. but in the day I am better I findā¦ its just a record here on the forum that I have. 15 years in isolation, its not humanā¦
Having to take pills everyday made me feel awful in my earlier years of treatment. Now Iām on injections and itās not as bad, I was having them once every 2 weeks, now its once every 4 weeks.
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In the movie American Beauty, Kevin Spaceyās character has a line, āItās never too late to get it back.ā
thank you @bobbox1980, yes, ive decided to get my life back. but I have a heavy past. no love, no profession, nothingā¦ I just got one bachelor degree for these years and the other thing I spent it at my houseā¦ I dont know even other schizophrenics like meā¦
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I think most of use can relate to the isolation and loss. I spent many years alone after I could no longer hold a job and even when I did work, the rest of the time I was alone. And, even when I was with people, I was still alone. Now I try to get out every day. Even if it is just sitting at a Coffee Shop (It is easier to blend in there if you have a laptop - no one thinks twice about you) The amount of loss that goes with sz and sza is huge. I know I have had depression for most of my life. Even since childhood. I have now come to believe that I been MI for my entire life. I donāt think too much about the past now. I donāt know if I am of any help. I just wanted to agree with you that there is great loss of what could have been had I not been MI.
yes @FutureAlex, I cant even imagine what would the pdocs have done with me if ive told them in the past that I suffer. I was in great pain since childā¦maybe its better. I wasnāt on any kind of chemistry till my 25 years oldā¦ I think still of the past because the dumb side effect of my Zyprexa in the evening. a friend of mine told me to take it before sleep in order to not feel this effect but its still reassuring for me to take my pills in the evening. I want so badly an improvement wow :)ā¦ the anguish of the future sucks cause it makes me stuck at my house tooā¦but is it rare to have schizophrenia since child? I find symptoms of guilt, shame, depression, derealization even at my age of 6 wowā¦ and my father probably had symptoms also all his life but got depressed at his 50s and died from itā¦its strange also this tardive onsetā¦ but maybe the pdocs are afraid of the pediatric schizophrenia or the tardive oneā¦
I had problems as a child. I donāt think it was full blown. But I did have to go to the hospital at age 15 and they put me on Haldol for a while. Mental Illness ran in our family. I grew up in a home with a mentally ill father in and out of state institutions and the whole nine yards. My brother was full blown MI from a very young age but did not get treatment until later on in life. As for my father - they told him he would have to spend the rest of his life locked up. But he did get better with medicine. As to if it is rare, Iām not sure but I would probably have to say yes.
we are alike I thinkā¦ yes, I think MI runs in my fathers family too, wowā¦ but maybe its not schizophrenia. the pdoc of my father was sure that I am borderline. he said that schizophrenics doesnāt look that way. I never had voicesā¦ in a way, I am still afraid mystically by this illness but I hope it will go away one day. and I think it will be hard to find a partner, I saw one or two running away far from me because of my illness, its not prettyā¦
Iāve spent most of my life alone in a room myself. Now I live in an assisted living center and I have to socialize a little, but I still spend every moment I am not at the clubhouse alone in my room. When I am alone in my room I feel grandiose. I meditate on the worldās problems and solve them in my mind. When I am around others I feel anxious, weak, and feeble. I donāt know if I will ever learn to relate to others in a healthy way.
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What has been your diagnosis?
I am a religious man and for many many many years I thought It was somehow spiritual. I was wrong, This was part of the psychosis. It took a good solid priest to convince me that Mental Illness is REAL and many hospitals and doctor to come to believe that I am indeed sza. All I care about is that the medicine works. - I also had to try many different combinations to get to the point where I could mange my illness. I still have bumps in the road. I mostly accept now that my sza is Chronic.
As a waitress itās as simple as asking someone about the weather. Or if itās Friday, ādid you have a good week or any plans this weekend?ā I used to hate that ā ā ā ā but people like pleasent people.