yeah, meds are helping a bit but sometimes i feel strange on them. I started to feel them after a year on them. Till now, they were like candies for me. I wasnt even sleepy on them but yes, everybody is different with meds. Ok, theres no miracle. The meds are not a good thing in general but i have those sad eyes because ive lost everything with the illness. i spent the last 17 years in social isolation. I still feel quite alone on this. I made my own prison and it was hell, hellish than the prison probably too.
I keep my current treatment-zyprexa and depakote.
But how many time ill need more to feel healthier and happy in your opinion? Ok, i know there is no rule in that but after so much time in social isolation is it possible to get on your feet without symptoms? goshā¦ i am like an ovni now, i wasnt thinking about that so much before but now the reality is in front of me. I spent 17 years in one room almost,yesā¦
Recovery takes time - i found it gradual and as long as psychosis stays away (with meds and care) it gets better each year.
if you change meds for no good reason or come off meds
itās all possible for it to come back - and some people have this sz worse than others
no, I wont change meds anymore. I spent 7 years looking for the med who helps me a bit and it was Zyprexa, probably the only one who helps me without a lot side effectsā¦ I guess my country is poor when it comes to mental health too, I am in east Europeā¦ I just worry about my body, I really dont look fine with all this laying in my bed for all these years and I dont feel ready to do some sportā¦ I am 35 years old already and my body is falling apart nowā¦plus, the time flies, everything will be harder with the age if I am not ok in my headā¦
really it has been 17 years?
We hold out hope for a ācureā while laying in limbo, doing the bare minimum to get by until that āmagical medā gets the A-Ok.
What is it we are really expecting from these miracle meds?
Ah yeah, to be different than what we are now, without any effort on our part.
Ok, thatās not fair, maybe minimum effort.
We want to be active, smart, social, attractive, confident, and (fill in the desired wish), and we want it in a one pill wonder.
Is it any wonder there has never been such a pill so far?
Itās asking too much.
We hope that by staying comfortable, isolating ourselves in our own safe cocoon, that eventually one day we are going to wake up a different person, one who we want to be, instead of who we are.
Then one day, we look in the mirror, and wonder why we look older, and where did all this time go, that we spent inside our head, instead of in the real world.
Time and the real world move forward, day by day, with or without you participating in it.
If you want things to be different, you canāt get there from the comfy little world in your head. Why are the folks that actively resist participating in the real world surprised when life passes them by?
You have to step out of your comfort zone each and every day. Sure itās not fun, sure it may seem like youāre going to die, but time stops for no one.
If you want your life to be different, you have to do something different.
Every step gets you going, sometimes forward, sometimes back.
Youāre going to get older and eventually die, thatās life, but what happens in that time, is left entirely up to you.
Life is what you make it.
Yeah Msbuddha. I hate myself for that. Idk any other sick girl who was isolated for so many time. Idk if recovery is possible after so much time. Its not strange that i feel so bad with all this behind me. I was devastated by the negative symptoms for those years. Meds dont help this. Tbh i feel alone. I never met an ill person who had this past of poneliness. I never knew what is the love, the real sane love. My body should be ugly right now and in a bad shapeā¦ sometimes the problems of some people here seem to me a joke compared to my loneliness and my bed which i knew for 17 yearsā¦ its too much i realize it right now. I was never happy,even as a kidā¦ it was a hell do you understand this? It was a prison!!! And the result is that now i am already physically alone which is no good eitherā¦
I go out when i can. I started to make efforts since a year but its still few i know. But dont judge me csummersā¦ i was close to faint because of my paranoia in the shop todayā¦ i wanted to punch the others too. Its not you who had no life for 20 yearsā¦
Iam sorry @Anna1 peopleās challenges are different from each other.
Some people are far better hiding their problems in real life you know?
It is nice to distract yourself with meaningless stuff and just laugh sometimes. Who cares?
Do you do anything that you like to have fun ?
You need to forget the past too you know? it is GONE. I struggle with the past too. The only thing you can do is try to improve your future.
I am sorry =(
Yeah but did you lose so much things @MsBuddha? I was a sick kid and i gave up fighting at the age of 20. I am 35, years old now. From 20 years old to 25 i was going out only to the university three times per week. Since the year of 2009 i started to look for treatment. And all the other time i spent it at homeā¦ do you imagine??? I never had a serious bf or job, the people were talking that i am ugly cause the illness marked my faceā¦ and now i am ugly again, too much inactivityā¦ even one of my lovers asked me how i am gonna to survive while the guys look for the best outsideā¦ wowā¦ do you have so much to forget ms? But you are right. But i just come to reality right now and this time wasted makes me a bit suicidal and depressedā¦ me too i dont look for the perfect med anymoreā¦
I donāt know maybe we will find a silver lining one day.
Iām emotional wacked from the struggle.
I thought to myself the past 3 years Iāve been trying to escape madness and be well again.
Took it in a perspective of a normal thought like
"Iām going to grab a coffee"
In that context the idea made no sense at all.
Sorry for any misunderstanding, I wrote it very fast and did not reread it.
It was me I was referring to in my reply, not judging you.
I know I lost everything (what little I was allowed to have) in my 23 years of Sz, and had to start over at age 49.
pfff, I guess I am not nice anymore since years. I fight against the whole world and against my mom. She keeps saying that a schizophrenic will never be happy cause its a hard illness. yeahā¦maybe she is right. maybe the fault of my state is mine in a wayā¦ who else? my wick father which I inherited probably? my brain is a mess I find thatās all
I have been 15 years in isolation, almost like you 
is it true @Atoru? why? me, I guess I had some bad negative symptomsā¦ what did you do for all this time? me- mostly tv and internetā¦
I have serious problems with people, i think that when people in the street look at me they discover that iām a sick. I have a huge complex of my illness, and that prevents me from doing anything where there are people, I just feel calm with people that I can trust.
In the last 2 years I have made a lot of progress, I have moved away from my old neighborhood to one where nobody knows me, i let the pdocs and the medication, now only take benzodiacepines, I forced me to interact to other people and talk and give my opinion even if iām afraid to looking ridiculous. I have made some friends but they donāt fit to me and i let them, iām alone again 
but with that experience and the help of a social educator, I am relating more and doing more activities.
I have spent the years with my family, music, internet, games and my pets.
I have lost a lot of weight following a strict diet, walking almost every day, often at night to go relaxed, sometimes I play basketball. Without the medication Iām not so hungry. When I took zyprexa I gained weight.
but why so many time @Atoru in your case? Me, I gave up fighting when i was 20 and I guess I was too scared to say that I feel bad. I wasnāt opened and I didnāt say that I cant handle this state anymore. after that, I just knew 8 years looking for the best med and this was a bit a mistake, I was just switching meds with the docs and it wasnāt helping meā¦ its just now that I try to accept the illness. I am probably like you a bit on this with the people. I dont want that the others see me crazy, ive done it in the past I guess
You can fight against yourself, or you can fight for yourself, 20 years is a lot of time, but how much more time are you willing to lose?
Iām not sure if you can wait for recovery. You need to be active in your pursuit of it.
Yeah levelā¦ its super hard for me to be active. I fight but i guess i am worse than some other schixophrenics who has no my years of despair behind me. I start to be pissed off by struggling and always be so alone in thisš„