I’ve ■■■■■■■■■■■■ everything. ■■■■ emotions, ■■■■ family, ■■■■ responsibility, I’m pissed off. I’m pissed off that I care. I wish I didn’t cause then I could just run off. I wouldn’t have to think about what others would think and feel. I could be selfish and just do what I want. But noooo. I care and thats total bull. I didn’t choose to care. It judt happens. And sometimes I honestly hate it.
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Emotions can be painful but it’s good to feel them and it makes you a good person that you care.
Chin up.
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That’s the thing. I’m not a good person, not at all. In fact I’m a really terrible person. The things I’ve put my parents and friends through. The things that I’ve just stood by and let happen. I just ignored them, pretended they didn’t exist.
And here I am instead of just sucking it up I’m complaining and bothering others.
I am aware that I’m probably just wallowing in self-pity but I’m honestly not good. I pretend to be.
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It sounds like you’re dealing with feelings of guilt.
You could work on letting them go.
You could also try to rest a bit or take a nap to reset your system.
Also avoid alcohol, since you were talking about that in a different thread.
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Guilt. Something I’m all too familiar with. Doesn’t matter if it’s my fault or not I’ll find some way to blame myself.
Not totally sure why. Maybe because it gives me some feeling of control. It gives things a reason. Bad things happen because of me rather than bad things happen randomly. Or maybe its because I dislike myself and so I give myself tangible reasons for dislike and blame myself for a lot. Better than hating myself for no reason. Maybe it’s something else that I don’t know yet.
I laid down to go to bed. Working on shutting my brain off. Don’t wanna set my phone down cause then my thoughts will be stuck in my head instead of being able to write them in my phone.
I think avoiding it is a good idea. I’ve stopped myself for the night and plan on trying to stay sober. Not even a beer. Its going to be hard though. Especially because a chunk of me doesn’t want to quit but I think I’ll wrestle with thise feelings tomorrow when I’m more clear headed and more able to make good decisions.
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Thank you for listening to all my bullcrap. I really do appreciate it and you have helped. You’ve given me good things to think about and it just feels really nice to be heard without being judged.
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Thank you for the compliment.
Hopefully you’ll be able to get some rest now.
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I deal with guilt and also am really hard on myself. I tell others you don’t have to beat me down not literally I’ve mastered that.
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