It hurts to be bawled out.
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are you ok @PinCushion 
you can use ear plugs
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I’m ok. Just having bad memories.
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It does hurt to have people angry and blaming someone. If i had done something wrong and the person was correct and not overly harsh, i guess i would have no defense. I have had many people in my yrs try to blame me for things not my fault. Others would use blame to try to induce a guilt trip.
I think that part of myself that regulates if i should feel guilt or not is a bit off. i got tired of the scapegoating and controling guilt trips of others. I now have the knee jerk reaction to refuse to feel guilt for anything when blame is being assigned, rightfly or not. Sometimes i have to stop and think. you did not say if you did something to make someone angry or if you did, then you did not mean to. Confortation of this sort has always been very hard to deal with and confusing for me.
If you made a mistake apoligize, and do something proportionally nice for the person to try to make it up to him or her. i am sorry i dont have any good advice help if you are living with a controling person. maybe someone else will come along. i always failed at being around controling people, so i wont comment on that.
i hope you feel better soon.
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It’s a vicious cycle because I never knew people were only projecting their own shame, and didn’t know what I did wrong accept I was living. So I was paralyzed and that made me an easy victim for others to scapegoat on me. I am hesitant to be active in any way.
If you think you are not to blame for a problem then it seems reasonable to tell the person why you think the problem did not occur because of your actions. The only reasons people dont stand up for themselves is 1. they feel there will be a bad consequence if they do stand up for themselves or 2. the person just does not want to argue.
If the part about projecting shame was in response to my post? i think you or me might have misunderstood each other. Scapegoating is blaming a problem on an innocent person. Scape goating is a single form of being controling. How ever being controling and laying blame on another does not mean any problem has had to have happened at all. Controling people often just make up a reason for themselves to be angry with someone else. No actual problem is needed. The controling person just wants to take out anger on another person. the controling person may also seek to implant guilt in the other person.
i should mention i am new here and unfamilar with all the symbols on the pages that is supposed to tell me who and if a poster replied to me. if you were not replying to me, then please excuse and disreguard.
Painful in fact.
I was replying to you. I see projecting shame and scapegoating as the same thing. Someone projects his shame on an innocent who can’t understand where all the anger is coming from and feels he must obey and feel bad.
i am sorry you are hurting. I do not know your situation at all. If person who made you feel badly is scapegoating, and you feel threatened, then back away from the arguement for your own safety. I am not any kind of counsellor, so i cant tell what to do. i was just trying to give you my take on the situation. i though it might shed some light on things so you could help yourself better.
It wasn’t argument, it was more that I didn’t behave the way that was expected. They (my parents) were nervous people and wanted everybody to be predictable. Curiosity and discovery were killed.