They are overshadowed by the evil things I do. The terrible things I do. The things that aren’t worth forgiveness. Sometimes I think that I haven’t gotten better and that I’ve just convinced myself and others that I’m better. I know deep down that I’m a terrible awful person. The only thing keeping me here is that I know people would be at least a little hurt if I were gone. That’s the last thing I want to do. Is hurt people. Wven if it’s a little bit. I don’t want to cause more suffering. I’ve already caused enough. And yet it feels as though every breath I take just causes more. My very existence is a curse to others. W burden that others should not have to share. I feel terrible that my parents had to give birth to an abomination like me. And raise me. Auch a terrible tragedy.
I want to be gone from this world but i cant because a piece of me knows it would hurt people. I wish i could forget that piece.
But i cant. I know how people would feel. I know how some of you would feel. Even the ones who dont know me very well. And sometimes I hate it because my empathy is one of the few things that keeps me tied here
We have a disorder that makes us so different from the population. I’m sorry your struggling but be proactive. I have tried a lot of meds to get best function…what exactly is bothering you at the moment…? You can work towards a solution. It’s often not the best but it will work…
What solution is there? Im ■■■■■■ up. Thats all there is. Ive tried so many years to better myself and yet i still mess up. I still fall into old habits. Ill quit them for months or even a year or two at a time but it inevitavbly happens. Whats the point?
I know its taboo and that this will probably be shut down because of it but ■■■■ i want to drink. I want to fall into oblivian and forget it all.
Yeah it’s hard. I’m not saying otherwise. Still. Keep plodding because the bad times pass. The good times may be rare but keep on it.
What set you off? That is where you start. Don’t drink. It’s a poor way out of a situation.
Youre welcome to delete it i just had to say it once ajd get it out of my system
I dont want to blame my husband. Its my fault it really is. Im the one who let his words get to me. I know that he probably didnt really mean it in that exact way but it hurts. Its all mh fault
Uts oaky dont worry about me I’ll be okay. I always am in the end. You shouldnt have to worry about me.
Stop. Take stock. We are our own worse enemies and it’s the sz.
These things will pass. Sort it out in the morning but you can only do what you can do. Other people you try your best. I do care because you deserve it. You really do.
Take heart. You have a disorder that affects how you think…don’t act on those bad thoughts…act on the better ones!
And yet another side pleads to be worried about and asks to be talked to. I dont know what to think or which side to believe
But i dont. It is literally all in my head. I dont have sz or sza or bpd. Its literally just trauma. Thats all it ■■■■■■■ is. My brain over reactong tp a situation that hapened when I was 12. So why do i feel like this!? Why do i still hear them even thougb i know they arent real!?
Ptsd is very real. It really is and we don’t even know how to approach it.
I’m sorry these memories come at you again. It’s so hard but you aren’t the past and you can do this and move through to better times. No matter how bad you think it is now…that will pass. Get some sleep and see how you feel. Most times you wake up with a totally different perspecitve so get to some sleep and move from there.
Which is the real me? The one after sleep or the one before sleep? I dknt know anymore. The one after drinks is more emotional but also more honest, the one before drinks is more rational but also more closed. They are opposites so which am I supposed to believe? Ever since the trauma I feel like Ive lost myself and Im still desperately swimming to figure out where I am and I simply dont know.
You’ll never get an even keel on alcohol. You’ll be a shadow of the self because the problem is that the addiction will take over. If your trying to improve and be well you need to avoid it.
It’s not easy. It never is but you can do it. Life is anything but easy. Be strong. I’ve struggled with substances in the past but moved through to better things. I’m 51. You learn some lessons in that kinda time and substances usually come with some serious costs…that is the problem.
I stopped for a while. Its hard. Same with hurting myself. Ill stop but then a relapse will happen. It could be a couple years in between or a coupke weeks.
Yeah. We aren’t all super people. I have moments where I fail. I still do but I know it’s better without so I keep trying. All’s I’m saying to you…Keep trying. It’s not easy but we don’t get easy around here. Wake up tomorrow and it’s a new day! You can do it!
Okay. I know sleep is good. It makes me feel better and the rational part says I’ll feel better in the morning. Thank you for appealing to that side. It makes it a little louder and a little easier to lieten to and adhere too rather than the emotional side.
See how you do in the morning is a good thing. Being mentally ill to me is about surfing. You ride out the bad times and you revel in the good because they aren’t around so much…
Much peace. Hope tomorrow is a better day!