I've come to a realisation

Unusual Beliefs
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I’m okay with strangers… It’s when people are going or wanting to get to know me I start to crack.

I don’t know why this is? I’m not very well right now, I know that, I see the pdoc in just under two weeks. I’m going to work on it. I’m experiencing thought broadcasting, have been for the past few weeks, I get very anxious, and my thoughts just leave me everyone hears them. I was followed in the dark the other day I’ve had to force myself out of the door these past three days, it’s because I’m too much of a risk I have some very dark secrets about myself and this country. I haven’t felt so vulnerable and at risk in quite a while, I wish I was dead again, it was easier when I had that delusion running around.

It happens in class, it happened in a lecture, it happened in the street waiting for the bus. I don’t know how to control it.

But all in all I think. It’s because I’m with a group of people who I will be with for two years. I start getting paranoid or worse when I have a person wanting to do so. I feel more threatened by that, than I did when I was working in a charity shop talking to customers. I notice my voice going up and down in volume, I ruminate when I talk out loud in class. I feel my meds wear off and I get worse.

The main point of this post, (sorry I derailed a bit) is does anyone else get worse when someone is trying to get to know them? I tend to want to know what they want to do with me, think they just want to hurt me or know my secrets. And now my secrets are being revealed to all, beyond the government, god knows what people are thinking of me. I can’t seem to recognise people’s emotions, sarcasm, distaste, anger etc. I just think they’re hiding their hatred of me but even if they’re showing it I don’t think I recognise it.

Anyway… End of post.
I don’t know what I want from posting, I just was curious whether this is common amongst us or not?
I hope your day is letting you cope as best as you can,
Take care,
Meg.

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:bomb: :boom: right there… Bang. YES!

Strangers are brief. They are tiny encounters. They have their own lives and want nothing from us. Maybe the time… maybe a quick hello… but strangers stay strangers.

New people who are going to try and get into our lives… that is scary. Why? I do understand that people try to connect and make friends… getting to know others is natural curiosity even a great amount of hope.

But it IS scary. I do feel very nervous around new people who are starting to get into my life.

A perfect stranger in the park where I work… quickly asks… “is there a bus stop near by?” Sure… easy… they get the answer and go on their way.

But NEW people who are going to stick around… it puts me a bit on edge.

Take one day at a time… try small encounters… coffee on campus is pretty safe… maybe keep the topic to the class subject at hand and little by little I hope you feel more comfortable around people.

It takes me quite a while to warm up to people sometimes… Other times… and I don’t know why… I fall in love with them instantly. I think that’s when I’m manic.

But normally… I get very nervous and have to take it slow.

Good luck… and let yourself take this at your own pace.

1 Like
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I have a very tough time letting people get near me. A lot of us do.

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:copyright: J :wink:

Yeah, I’m really the same way. Much less free around the people I care about. I think it’s a combination: ) I care more, ) we’ve been in more situations together(which I delude), and ) psychological connections to people from the past. When I’m away from home, I feel like a mouse out of a cage lol.