Is this fair?

I get a little over 900 in US dollars per month from disability. Right now that’s my only source of income. My dad takes 400 of that for monthly rent and that’s my only regular expense outside of groceries. The siblings I have who still live here who work and maybe earn twice what I do in a month pay 250 per month in rent but they also have to deal with car insurance payments, gas, and expenses related to their work. This arrangement doesn’t really bother me but according to some research I’ve done on a whim I could get a nice apartment in a nearby town for roughly what I’ve been paying my dad. Is he asking for too much from me?

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Where in the US can you live for $400 a month?

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Southwest Virginia. Everything is cheap here because no one has any money lol.

I’d bring it up with your Dad and see if your rent could be reduced. Having a family support network is pretty important with the illness.

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Do they do more chores than you? Somehow put that money in someway else?

Could you talk to him about doing something to reduce it? How well would he handle if you just asked him why he charges you more?

So many llama questions

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Thanks. That’s a good idea. I’ll have to approach the subject very delicately because he’s very sensitive with all matters related to money. It’s unfortunate but he was raised to hold it sacred above almost everything else.

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They don’t do any chores and as far as I know that 250 is all they’re shelling out to my dad/the household.

I think my dad charges me more because my disability is seen as more disposable in his eyes in that I didn’t actually “earn” it. He actually pays taxes therefore it’s more his than mine in his mind.

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Hrm, I don’t know how much I like that, so I’ll pick my words carefully.

That money is your livelihood, meant to go towards living expenses, i don’t see how it’s fair for him to charge you more, and I question how that money is being used.

Is he your payee?

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He is my payee. According to my mom he puts all the rent money he gets into a secret savings account. I wanted half of it to go to her but she sees none of it.

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Secret savings account for whom? Like he takes that extra and keeps a savings account for you to use later in life? Or like he uses it for himself?

You have a right to know where your money is going. How it’s being used.

I take it this isn’t the first time he’s disregarded your wishes in a vain attempt at what he thinks is right or fair.

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The account is solely for him as far as I’m aware.

Yeah, the more I think about what I’ve endured from him over the years, the more I realize how “off” things have been all this time. He’s prone to throwing tantrums if he doesn’t get his way so more often than not the rest of us just go along with what he wants for the sake of peace, lol.

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I’d approach him gently because he could be saving the money for you after they’re gone. He might be investing into your future. And since you’re disabled and can’t work, he may take extra money from you to make sure that when he’s gone you can support yourself

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Sounds like you need to have a talk and ask some questions. Nicely, don’t blame, don’t accuse. Just tell him you’re confused and would like some answers.

If it’s what I think and hope it is, It’s more than fair, you will thank him later. If he is saving it for you.

If he’s using that money for personal gain in savings for himself, that may be Illegal.

How do you feel about trusting him?

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@ZmaGal and @ooorgle that could be what it is. I’ll have to work up the courage to ask. It never crossed my mind that that’s what it could be but my dad does have his moments of wanting to help. I don’t want to paint him as a solely bad person. Thanks for your input. I’ll reflect on how exactly I should frame the questions and then pose them to him when he seems open to discussing such sensitive matters. He’s had a lot of stuff going on with family lately so for now I won’t question my higher rent rate and just pay it so as to not put more stress on him. I don’t know, maybe I’m too passive, lol.

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I think waiting to ask until you’ve figured out how to say it diplomatically is good. Good luck! :slight_smile:

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Are you receiving any additional services that your siblings don’t? If they do their own cooking and laundry whereas you don’t, for example.

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No, we all do our own stuff.

I probably do more to help out with household chores that go outside my own needs. They’re usually busy with work though so that doesn’t bother me.

Weird. Thread only partially loaded for me, saw the answer farther down. Sorry.

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You’re fine! :slight_smile:

I guess I shouldn’t have said they don’t do any chores lol, thinking about it, they do do their own laundry and they feed themselves.

Ok so what I’m gonna need you to do, is just kick the door in when he’s most vulnerable, start with screaming, really get him off guard, then when he least expects it, flip the switch and go all sweet “daddies girl” ,really confuse him. Make his mind mush, then ask away, :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

In all seriousness. I’m sure you’ll do fine. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You just need to figure out a game plan. And believe in yourself.

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