Lol thanks how kind you are 
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Hahaha just stating the truth 
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I am so flattered lol
Your a great artist as well. But some reason your paintings and sketches always looks sadš I love it but sometimes I wonder @Mae
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Haha yea itās cos Iām sad deep inside.
But also optimistic.
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I get you. When I used to write songs it was always sad, like naturally.
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Iām still me, I have the same personality
Problems have increased since breakdown at 15 yrs old when everything in my head escalated and I couldnāt function very much, I stayed in bed for months without tv/radio that was in the 90ās.
Anyway im 43 now, what Iām trying to say is Iām still me but my functioning is slower and Problems increase like agoraphobia has worsened, doctor said the other week that I use avoidance.
Hang on to as much routine and engage with people as you can muster because things can get worse quickly.
I try to get out a little and I ring family and see them occasionally. My hubby is supportive nowadays so although we have ups and downs I love him and he helps a lot with things everyday. He sees how Iām struggling 
and does help. Schizophrenia is a minefield of affects on HOW we are but it canāt take away WHO we are deep down!
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Aziz, thanks for bringing up this discussion itās something Iāve always thought about.
During brain rehabilitation for brain injuries the care staff get you to try new things, that could help us.
Are you going to go back on the meds?
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"We identify premorbid generalized cognitive impairment in schizophrenia that worsens throughout development, and stabilizes by the first-episode of psychosis, suggesting a neurodevelopmental course. "
Edit : I think that the above and other articles I have read support the theory that most of the cognitive damage from Schizophrenia occurs prior to first episode psychosis, not during. Whether or not neurotoxicity during ongoing psychotic episodes would continue to contribute to cognitive issues through damage of the brain, IDK. Iām of two minds on that subject. I have heard arguments on both sides of that:
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I believe that psychosis causes permanent brain damage. I know that Iām not the same in my head after my psychotic break.
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Again, lots of disorders that cause axonal damage of nerves, leading to cognitive deficit.
Iāve been trying to focus but things are difficult nowadays.
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Iām not either but psychological damage isnāt necessarily the same as actual brain damage.
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No I actually feel that something is wrong up there in my head. Something physical.
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Sometimes the more you try and take back whats been took from ya. More of it ends up going out the door.
Eventually you just gotta try and get a tourniquet on it.
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I dunno if thereās permanent brain damage associated with psychosis or not, but oneās personality is never the same after the first episode.
I think with each major episode that occurs, our brains take a heavy hit, which then causes us to have to start from scratch every time.
I myself have only had one major episode, but plenty of smaller, less severe onesā and the comedown back to reality was pretty difficult each time, so I can only imagine what it must be like for those of us who have chronic major episodes.
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I think i had 3 or 4 major ones. And then many medium and many small. All self induced from trying to loose weight by going off meds. Now theres nothing left of me and im stuck at 275 pounds. Could never live with the weight. Oh how dearly we pay for our vanity. My ramblings now mostly consist of obscure quotes and wisdom that sounds like its from a fortune cookie.
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Ah geez, this sounds scarily all too familiar, as Iām kinda doing the same thing at the momentā¦
Amen. Wish it wasnāt so, but unfortunately thatās the kind of world we live in at present.
Lol, well fortune cookies are like the cherry on top to a good Chinese meal, so thereās always that 
.
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Yes all i wanted was the beauty that was taken from me in my youth. But im glad you can see the comedy in the tragic comedy. 
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This 100%.
Antipsychoticsā specifically Zyprexaā really fuucked me over big-time.
Alas, that was like 7 years ago, but I am still having difficulties dealing with the aftermath of taking that wicked fuucking drug.
Yea, Iām somewhat hardwired to find the humor in every situation. Apologies if itās unwarranted in your caseā I never mean to offend or invalidate anyoneās experiences.
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This makes me weep
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Its all good. Yeahman i started out at 140 pounds a full grown young man. 2 to 3 years after 200 plus. Yoyod around for many as stated and 12 years later 275 none the slimmer. Maybe gained some wisdom. But its not what i was after
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