Ok, well I have definitely made major progresses from the schizophrenia as well. I have been on medication from age 16-26 wow that is ten years man. I have gotten so much better over time. Education really caused me to look into why I was hallucinating, and I don’t know if somehow studying psychology and understanding the hallucinations themselves better is why I stopped hallucinating or having delusions. Delusions seemed to be the main source of the hallucinations because if you are not able to rationalize a thought or believe to be false or possibly true, then you can’t successfully ignore an irrational perception. So I’m not sure exactly but I can point this out: I went through severe onset hallucinations and disconnection. It was in my re-integration with society and my redefining of my self that I got better, still not without many many mistakes in this life journey. I feel resolute in my characterization of myself or the person I want to aspire to be more like.
But I am kind of depersonalized and I always have been out of normal bounds. Either too happy, too shy, too smart, too slow, too fast etc. I just never fit in with everyone else around me or acted like normal people. I was slower at some things and faster at others. My energy was so drained by the illness, instead of trying to take back all the things schizophrenia stole from me- I have devoted my exhausted resources to the simple motivation and moral compass I created for myself.
These morals I try to stay true to but are kind of integral to who I am: The adventure is in the climb, and the wisdom is earned not by reaching the top of the mountain but in the act of surviving and carrying on through challenges to reach different heights and new paths where all converge at one point, crossroads, decisions, mistakes and then attempts to do better by myself…
I think stress caused you to hear that voice or misinterpret what you thought you heard.
Most people have blind belief in what they are told is true or cultural or see around them.
You can’t depend on what you see. Schizophrenia has showed me that subjectivity still often can taint truth of experiences.
I contemplate the notion of how if I see something and know it existed and physically witnessed its reality…should i have to debate that on the basis of my illness or my own willing self exploration and are the two seemingly linked or completely separate?
I think they are separate issues. People with schizophrenia are supposed to be disconnected from reality, so they would not be logical enough to make such a profound observation on supernatural or spiritual things they witnessed aka curses or miracles that happened. So to bring up these points is irrelevant to the schizophrenic condition, but relevant to human nature so why not freely discuss the paranormal no matter who you are?
Ghosts…no one can explain them.
Voices…sometimes they feel like people talking to you. They take on personas, and give us messages that sometimes hinder us but could help us too if there were a venue for an acceptance of what the ““outside”” had to say. to them they seem real, to someone who hasn’t progressed and experienced it so often that over time learned to understand.
Think of a voice as outside of you, but non-existent. Think of how your personality and goals relate to your own self existence. Can the voice be given power by the observer? How does the mind trick and deceive us so well were we put together to evolve to suffer in torment. Or this could be a clue to human survival, a rare and potent miracle. Could even be at the root of consciousness itself who knows, as genius is linked by science to madness, bipolar, or extreme states of self.
To experience the full of reality we dove so deep we nearly drowned in our own existence.
