Is anyone else the family scapegoat? dealing with passive aggressive family members

my family (aunts, grandmother, father, mother) have very passive aggressive behavior. gaslighting, backhanded compliments, and other psychological abuse. one phrase that gets repeated often by my aunt is, “Well you -look- okay.” with the word -look- said heavier and with more emphasis, in order to insinuate that I just look okay. what does that mean? keep in mind, I’ve never came forward with any MI. as far as they know, I’m perfectly normal. am I just the family scapegoat? everyone picks on me and uses emphasis in their words to insinuate that I am not healthy or doing okay. why would anyone do that, even if the person is not?

how should I deal with stuff like this? I’ve tried just laughing, I’ve tried agreeing with heavy sarcastic emphasis and staring in silence right after to make it awkward, I’ve tried calling them out on it which they see as out of line, I’ve tried just sweeping it under the rug and swallowing my pride, but it just hurts.

is this all in my head? I don’t think so. I believe they are the reason I am unwell. I’m currently in the middle of cutting them all out of my life, and being emotionally independent. I think it would be freeing. I don’t want to be ‘found’ by my family (I want to change my phone number and address, delete them from my friend’s list on social media and make my profile private)

I feel good about my decision, but I have to worry about taking it too far and not having anyone to socialize with. now is the time to make new friends I suppose. I’m trying to befriend people at work.

anyone else feel like the family scapegoat? do you ever question if it’s just in your head, or if it’s actual abuse? I think questioning one’s sanity is just another way the terrorists win. and F that.

Growing up, my sister was always considered the bad one, the screw up. Now she’s doing the best of any of us. She showed them all. I was always the gifted one, the one who was going to do great things, and look at me now, barely getting by. The only family with whom I have any real contact is my sister, and she is very supportive of me.

I have an aunt who is very judgmental, but thankfully I have practically zero contact with her. This is the woman who said to me and my then-gf, “you should be ashamed of yourselves,” at my mom’s funeral when she saw us outside smoking. Who says that to someone at their mother’s funeral?

As far as your aunts go, it’s hard to say how toxic they are without actually witnessing it. If they have such a negative impact, though, then it may be best to at least restrict your contact with them.

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