I get quite bitter from time to time about the lack of support from my family. Tonight is one of those times. Just thought I’d vent.
I was surprised, sad, hurt, and then angry/bitter.
A core group is sticking together (so far): one with sz, me with my diagnoses, and one other person…
I feel like the person with sz and I live in an alternate universe from the family members who turned their backs on us or shoved us away.
I am sorry to hear that, everhopeful. Stay calm and positive, you will get used to this situation.
I joined this forum and also plan to attend a schizophrenia family support group to find the understanding and support that I so desperately need at times. I used to feel very bitter towards certain family members as well but have come to believe that perhaps their lack of support comes from their limited understanding of this illness. Some people simply don’t get it. Neither did I until I was forced to live it. My 25 year old son has been in the hospital twice in 2 years, was terminated from his job, is back living at home, and is essentially coasting through life. His poor motivation is a symptom - something I’ve just learned and am sharing with family members who can’t quite get why he isn’t working yet. I’m afraid for his future once we’re gone, but I’m thankful that he’s not suffering from depression nor is he suicidal as he has been in the past, and that he’s been compliant with his meds for a year now. I try very hard to hold on to the hope that one day he will be living an independent, quality life once again. Hang in there, and I hope it helps to know that you are definitely not alone on this journey.
I wouldn’t go as far as to say I’m bitter but I do think family take it for granted that I am doing ok.
That is similar for me. And I feel ambiguous towards that. At times when I was struggling with pretty heavy negative symptoms, I felt they did/could not quite recognize the severity of these symptoms, which was something difficult to deal with on top of these symptoms themselves for me.
I do think I understand the difficulties involved for family members confronted with me in such a state though. It seems to me it is very hard to strike a balance between understanding and recognizing such symptoms of inactivity, and also trying to help a person move forward at the same time. At the time, I felt my family was a bit heavy on the latter, and lacking in the former. They pushed me to do things I did not felt capable of doing, and this was uncomfortable to me. It felt like they did not quite grasp the severity of my lack of motivation, and I thought they were thinking of me as lazy.
For them, letting me dwell in passivity and negativity was not an option. In pushing me, they made a decision for me, one that they judged to be in my best interest, even though I perceived of it differently. This can be tough. But I now think they were right about this. They did help me move forward in pushing me. And it must have been so difficult for them doing so. But it lifted my spirits greatly when I noticed I could achieve some things I had not thought possible. This was definitely progress from the situation I was in. Without their assistence and encouragement, I doubt I would have done those things. So some feelings were hurt in the process, but I now think of it being for the better.
Lol I am delighted if my family does not support me…or even contact me…probably ill be in Nirvana if my family legally seperates me.
How different are we ?
Actually I am going extreme now.
In my hearts of Hearts - Family does not matter to me anymore.
It makes no difference to me whether they help me or dont help me or harm me or whatever.
As far as I am concerned, they dont exist.
Is this a typical Zen attitude towards family? I know a follower of Zen Buddhism should suppose there is nothing existing in this world, neither the God nor ego, including all the family relationships.
Yes it is the typical attitude towards family. All connections including with family are False and debilitating to all aspects of ourselves.
To be more precise, we tend to avoid Attachments - and that includes attachments with Family. With family typically the attachment is the strongest if you are single and with your spouse if you are married.
Zen Attitude is that Attachments is a delusion and is completely lets say foolish
Yes, attachment is more precise in expression. But if you don’t practice deep meditation, you won’t obtain a connection to the inner truth therefore have the wisdom and strength to cut off attachments.
again precisely --------- Meditation is extremely important …and once you start meditating ---- the disconnect happens automatically -----you dont push it…from within itself you let go of all attachments.
you have a very sound understanding of Buddhism. Do you practise meditation ?
I only learned a little of Zen Buddhism. I used to practice meditation but very little now because I felt tired after doing meditation.
im just totally in it…I just totally love it - buddhism
@Hereandhere. I feel like I live in an alternate universe. It’s very scary.
My dad and stepmom are my only support. My deceased mother’s family has abandoned me.
My mom’s family doesn’t call me or my kids.
It is scary. Our family situations are really similar, from what you wrote.