I mostly call them fake or inserted thoughts, but there can be a variety of different ones messing with me. All of them are produced by my schizophrenia.
Firstly there are ideas which feel like my own, except their content is such that suggests it’s a fake idea (it’s something I wouldn’t come up with or think about, like doing something violent against my mom); haven’t felt those in a while now
Then there are “simple” inserted ideas / thoughts - they are the most common. I understand them, but I also feel they are not mine
There have been fake dialogues, essentially they’re like court cases - first there’s an accusation (it often also feels like an accusation), and then comes a justification which represents “me” (it sort of feels like coming from me, but still feels fake). Then after a while comes another accusation showing a flaw in the previous justification, to which “I” am supposed to respond with another justification, but all of this is actually happening automatically - I have no way to think over anything or do anything in this process. This process can carry on for a while. The topics have been life events where I have done something wrong or where I could have done something better, or more mysterious concepts. It seems it’s satisfied when it has proven that I’ve done something wrong, upon which it picks another event to carry on, or it finishes.
Just now while writing I got an inserted idea, carrying a feeling of “this would fit there” along with it
There are fake recalls of memories - they represent a real memory, but they feel different from a real memory
There are reminders, the word “reminder” describes best the feeling that accompanies them
There can be fake memories - something that hasn’t actually happened, but it feels exactly like a real memory
There can be a “blocked” thought or memory - in this case my schizophrenia does not allow me to recall something, and I feel that something is blocked
There are inserted thoughts “with a tail” - those ideas/thoughts I can apparently feel a bit longer than normally. In this case “I” will supposedly “grab a thought from its “tail””, to “hold it and look at it more properly”. The quotes mean that I actually don’t do anything. This “grabbing a word from its tail” seems to be coming from a saying in my language. These are often accompanied with an image of wriggling cat tail in my mind.
A “dropped” idea - it feels as if an idea/concept was dropped into my mind
A “poked into” idea - feels like the idea was poked into my mind; sometimes it feels to be coming from me, but it doesn’t - that feeling is also faked
Lastly, it also often shows images in my mind expressing something. It seems to be quite creative in coming up with those images, and usually it will place an “essence” in that image to further reinforce the meaning it wants the image to carry. For example, at one time it showed a picture of a group of aliens laughing at me, and it had the intense essence of “laughing at me mockingly”. At another time it showed the neighbor upstairs grinning at me, and the image had the essence of the neighbor “being happy about messing with me”, and the image also felt funny (I assume the “funny” was another “essence” added to the image).
The topics of all these inserted things have been 1) how I’m guilty in getting my “schizophrenia”, 2) things that I’ve done wrong in my life, 3) the consequence (eternal torture after death), 4) things I’m currently doing, things I’m currently seeing or hearing around me, or feelings I am feeling, or 5) about memories of earlier events.
Voice-like concepts, or “almost-voices” - I can tell what it says as if it was a voice, but it feels like a fake thought
False/true/“the opposite” statements, claiming whether what the preceding voice or fake thought said was true or false, or the opposite of what it said. Not only the fake thoughts, but the voices do that, too. Most often it’s about whether I will be tortured after death, or not. They’ve said I should understand “who” says the truth in such case, because I’m supposed to be a god.
Fake conscience - it has a distinct feeling to it, and it says whether I would do something (normally bad thing) or not. Like at one time it claimed that I consented to torturing someone, and if the “spirit” controlling my body would do it, I’d be guilty
More typical topics of the inserted thoughts:
How I should escape this condition (mostly pointless sayings - things that I can’t do anyway, like believing/trusting certain voices, or obeying commands; I don’t get those as often as I used to before)
How the “spirit” that controls my body is going to kill me or my mom (I get those pretty much every day)
How this condition has ruined my life, or what I could have done if I didn’t get this schizophrenia (mostly when I see things related to what I did earlier)
I am going though some of the same stuff like thot insersen and alot of fake memeries. And it seems like what ever spririt it’s taking alot of time and effort to mess with me. Also says iam gonna be tortured after death just for smoking. I cant quit they also make me smoke by giving me fealings in my body saying it’s a test and iam faling. They also say iam the weakest being and ever one is gone and people that I see including my family is aliens in there mind and those people or in hell or living in a psychopathic society that likes to torture and test for no reason even though ever thing is free and made by the mind. It’s crazy that say your not even real and they give me fealings for every thing from what they say to putting a filter on ever thing to give it a certain vibe. They say my tourture is worst than any one can get and illuminati controls the world with there mind and god is evil it’s crazy. They used to say that I was god now they just say iam just trash and the weakest being for smoking but I dont even drink.
“Pointer” thought - I can feel it point at a previous inserted thought. Usually the voices use that to say “That was a lie” or something like that.
Another topic of the inserted thoughts:
Why do you think we’re doing this to you? (as if I am supposed to know it; previously they’ve told I am supposed to be a god so I should know everything, and they also told that they will be convincing me after death that I’m a god and that I am torturing myself)
@Rei26, Your thought insertions are completely different from mine. I was told by my psychiatrist that I have thought insertions too. Mine come in the form of my being able to “read” other people’s minds. I’m able to “pick up” other people’s thoughts from throughout a roomful of people. I can tell what everybody is thinking, against my will.
I thought I had abilities like the Giver in the movie in a past life. I don’t like talking about such things. Basically, I had the ability for people to download my thoughts by touching my hands. Maybe the reverse process too. I think aliens gave me this ability, but I don’t have it anymore. And I don’t want this ability either. It sucks and messes with the mind and ■■■■. Bad karma.
@Rei26, yes, they felt absolutely different from my own thoughts. I could tell that the thoughts were coming from other people. Luckily, I don’t have this symptom anymore due to combination AP therapy of Risperdal Consta, Geodon and Seroquel.
I read this post yesterday and I had to do some serious thinking because I hear thoughts in my head constantly some thoughts contradictory to what I want to think. BUT I am aware that every thought positive or negative comes from my own subconscious. The theory you place behind the extra thoughts gives thoes negatives a valid home and control.
Teasing thought - just now it first inserted a thought about something that “I” was going to write down, then that disappeared and instead came a blocked thought/memory: I am not allowed to know/remember what “I” wanted to write down. Then after a while came a thought telling what was it that “I” wanted to write down. It appeared in my mind for a brief moment and disappeared again - it felt as if it was meant to tease me; apparently it was to show that it can block “me” from writing something if it wants to mess with me.
Empty thought - a fake thought/idea that carries no meaning/content; sometimes my schizophrenia produces this just to show it can do it
@Rei26 your thoughts sound extremely complicated, I can’t really understand all of it. I’m not sure if I experience thoughts so much. It’s more constant feelings of dread, fear and self-loathing. I feel quite tormented. The feelings are more prominent than thoughts. It makes me wonder if I really am sz or have some other mental illness. do you feel ok Rein or do your thoughts feel bad?
The thoughts don’t feel bad (there have been exceptions but they are rare).
My main problem is the bad feelings my schizophrenia inflicts on me; they are usually worse when I wake up at night, or before 8 am. The feelings have been unaffected by the ap-s I have taken so far (100mg chlorpromazine, and 150mg quetiapine).
Although the voice disagrees and says my main problem is that I’m going to be tortured forever after death.
@Flutterby, My response to your post wasn’t long enough in characters to make this website happy. This site requires at least fifteen characters in a response. So, I added a few numerical characters to make up the difference.