I cannot remember being conscious or having sentience before 2007. I think maybe I’m constantly dying and having my consciousness travel through time.
I don’t know what year I woke up/gained consciousness but it must have been around 2010 or 2011 or perhaps after. I really don’t know. I believe it’s quantum consciousness, and I’m not a robot. If I could go back in time, I believe I could prevent my schizophrenia if I was conscious and had the memories–the memories are key to changing things and believing in those memories are key too. Most of the time, our minds get wiped when we go back in time, mentally. Am I in a parallel universe due to Many World’s Theory of Quantum Mechanics? I don’t know… maybe MWT is wrong? I know I’m in a computer simulation. Is this evidence of the Theory of Last Thursday, the idea that the universe was created much earlier than we realize? I don’t know. Furthermore, before 2010/2011 I was living in other universes. It’s been hell.
I’ve been to other earths/parallel earths and I don’t know why I come back to this one.
I guess I suffer from quantum immortality/quasi-immortality. I used to believe I was truly immortal, but I was told immortality doesn’t exist. I believe true immortality will never exist because the universe will cease to exist someday and the body is just a vessel. Unfortunately/Fortunately, the universe will eventually come back into existence. Mentally, we are immortal but physically we are not. Consciousness survives after death but being aware of it and having memories is the key to immortality.
See, I remember being able to make wishes and having them granted. I remember in a past life/parallel universe getting a phone call saying they could grant me wishes. I told them I wish I was never born and that I could come back after I graduated high school (I hated high school) or after my first psychotic break in college, meaning I would have no consciousness until then–basically skipping time. I regret making this wish even though I might have missed out on the majority of my psychotic break, thus reducing the effects of insanity. It seems it has been billions of lives since I made that wish now and I want to undo it. I want to go back to high school or earlier and change my destiny for the better. Some of my lives have been a living hell for me. Ideally, I want to go back before age 5 before my parent’s divorce. It was my happiest moment in my life.
This is real to me. I don’t have voices but memories of this stuff. It feels so real. I guess I’m talking about it because I want help and I want to get better. I’m not trying to encourage delusions or make people believe me. This is my story: the tragedy of schizophrenia. The nightmare of schizophrenia. Thank you!