but no one wants to help me anymore. I feel so alone and depressed.
When I talk about my problems to my mom she helps me, but she often says things like “my son/daughter is in pain so I can’t be happy”
What kind of a daughter wants to keep their mother unhappy?
So I’m forced to keep a smile, be aloof, and laugh…despite the pain. No matter how much pain I am in, I have to keep smiling and pretend that everything is all good.
Nothing is working anymore and I can’t do this. I just want to make my family happy. I just want them to smile and be aloof. But my family isn’t happy anymore because I’m sick. I have to force a smile to keep my family afloat. But nothing is working anymore and they’re always sad because of me. Because of me. Everything is because of me, because I’m sick, because I’m broken and disabled…
My mom says that I can talk about my pain but what kind of a daughter wants their mother to suffer? If I talk about how much pain I am in, how I am so depressed and suicidal, she would complain and be sad. No one wants to see that…
No one is here to help me, and only I can help myself…and I don’t know how. I’m broken, depressed, anxious, and I am completely alone. No one cares anymore and even relationships are fading away. My friends are so far away and everything is online. It’s really hard to make friendships and I doubt that anyone will care about me, or want to be friends with me.
I have to keep a smile on to make my family happy. I can’t cry. I can’t scream. I can’t do anything that makes my family sad…because I’m their daughter. I don’t want my family to cry. I don’t want them to know that their daughter is in constant pain and suffering. Because I don’t want them to know…because I don’t want them to understand the depth of my pain. I don’t want them to know.
I don’t want to see another tear from their eyes. I must suffer. Alone. Nothing should make them sad. Being sad is a bad thing, and when mothers and fathers are sad they always cry…and I don’t want them to feel sad. I don’t want them to cry. I just want them to stop crying. And it’s because of me. It’s all my fault that it’s happening. It’s my fault that they pray every night wanting for a cure for my disability. And I can’t cure my body. I can’t make it better. I can’t make it better and now I’m always suffering and they’re suffering and no one is happy anymore. because of me because I’m sick because I’m making them suffer. It’s my fault and no one wants to help me anymore
There’s no way I’m getting out of this. I must keep myself silent