I know how to dose it properly as I’ve been through the titration three times. Why did I stop taking clozaril in the first place? I was depressed, in denial, and young (dumb). But I wasn’t paranoid when on it.
Seriously, I go to bed every night with a large knife (bought a sharp hunting knife recently so no kitchen knives stay missing for long) at night with the door locked because im certain my father wishes to murder me. Ive been doing this for seven months…
I am tired of the doctor saying there is no way my symptoms will go away. Bullsht!
…im taking clozaril. Ill tell them about it when my symptoms go away. Not like i give a sht if i get ill and die because of this. Fkers have given up on me.
Don’t do it. You need weekly blood tests for 6 weeks, than every other week for 6 weeks, then once a month. This is a very serious medication and should not be messed with.
They wont put me on it. Ill tell them on monday, force them to put me on it officially and order me blood tests. Please do not be concerned. Figured this was yes, a dangerous/extreme thing for me to do, but i seriously will be fine.
Yes. Agranulocytosis is a possible side-effect where it wipes out your white blood cells. Happened to me and the pneumonia nearly killed me. Lungs have been a bit messed ever since. Never EVER take Clozaril without proper medical oversight.
Hey, if you’re treatment resistant and you can tolerate the med, it’s a good med. It did a great job of dialing back my symptoms. It would have saved me a lot of grief if it had worked for me. I just figured I knew better than my docs and skipped blood tests. Total #FAIL on my part there.
A lot of docs are quite happy to meet you halfway. If you’re willing to try a med and be compliant on it, they’re usually willing to work with you. They have so many patients who fight everything that someone who is recovery oriented will get support back.
Thanks for the hopeful words. And i do appreciate the sense you all said here. Just willing to try anything, failed to see clearly for a minute (or many minutes).
Oh man, we’ve all been there. This is an infuriating illness to deal with. You can have a setback over a period of hours, but meaningful recovery happens at a snail’s pace. Weeks, months, even years. Anyone who isn’t frustrated by it isn’t paying enough attention.
A massive tip of the hat to you for continuing to fight for recovery and not having just given up. It may not seem like it, but you’ve already put the hardest bit behind you. I promise.
