Hey. For me it could be worse. I’m functioning to a certain level. I’m at home. I live with my parents at 47 but I’ve carved out a decent life in this world. It’s been anything but easy but I’ve tried.
I know it sucks. It really does but I’ve an uncle with Parkinsons. Do some reading on that. He’s just slowly deteriorating and there’s nothing you can do. His meds don’t do the job either but his body is giving up slowly as he continues to not even be able to walk properly. Now that sux totally!
I know it’s hard. But you’ve got to just dig your heels in a fight it. I don’t give up and I do allright but a lot of that is me expecting more and going out there and trying. I get shot down all the time. I get back up again.
Yeah it’s sucky…but I think I’m doing better than a lot of other people in this world.
@anon20318121 I also struggle.
Time passes so slowly for me.
I am sorry you’re having to go through this.
The most important thing is being alive.
Ignore your thoughts about suicide and ignore your paranoia.
(or find a method, like a medication to otherwise control these symptoms)
I think we’re at the mercy of our meds with this disease. Have you told your medical team that you’re having suicidal ideation? That’s quite serious.
I had to go through about 10 meds before I found one that (more or less) worked.
I’ve had the same thoughts too. It’s come to the point where I think about suicide in a logical way. I think if I ever am scared about death there is no reason to be bc it will end all the suffering. I’m happy that I lived so great before I was sick but I’m 26 and there’s not much out there for me. I have to remember too that I’m on Invega and a lot of people say it made them suicidal. But suicide is just too hard, u have to admit that. When I’m really sad I think of how many people on this forum have actually gone thru with it. Then I wonder if they wrote the same kind of posts like I do where they try to offer people hope. If assisted suicide was possible for sz in my state it’s just a matter of writing the right people in my family letters about why I did it. I’ll stop now bc I get to clear-minded when I think about ending everything. It HAS to get better but there’s so little to look forward to, especially living on APs with the weight gain and other side effects I have. That’s it I’m done with invega let’s just chalk it up to that…
how bout every 5 years we switch to normies for one month then go for another 5…I would be down for that lol. Better than dealing it with rest of our lives…if you would have told me that before my diagnoses I would’ve still not agreed to it., but ill take almost anything now.
Yeah I spent 3 years completely psychotic, 2 years was re-adjusting reasoning of things/gaining insight,
The next two years and I swear to god it is the hardest â– â– â– â– â– â– â– thing to do with schizophrenia is coming to terms with it, poof.
It’s so ■■■■■■■hard because it is literally impossible to do, in all the turns of madness, it’s this illness we may always have.
■■■■I’m as hard headed and witty/strong as the next or more,
But all your own logic /will is destined to fail on this.
Wasn’t until I fell very far and very deep, in which both my returning too and turning it/finally coming back too, came too a head.
And … well I’m still on the same walk through this hell,
It both kills and makes the man of you, you know.
We’re all mad, madness is maddening. Keep strong with me.
Find some self appreciation for the things you have come to overcome, really does help.
it’s all a really hard walk man. My best regards to you and anyone as always.
Yeah the self appreciation and accepting/acknowledging for things i have already come to overcome helped a hell of a lot. Good regards of yourself in your own finding you know. Was a healthy thing for me.
Thank you for your realistic and hopeful post, as I read it, ChrisJack.
I have had schizophrenia for 36 years and will have it more until I die. I expect to die a natural death. I am now 61 years old. I had some bad years and some reasonably good years. I had a stretch where I thought about suicide. I wonder if it is true that schizophrenia can get better simply with age, as seems to have happened with me.
I would like to comment that for me I was not a completely free thinker with my years of illness. I was in a form of mental jail. I may have felt suicidal, but it was not permitted full reign with me.
I have had a few sources of hope: my delusions themselves including contact with a spirit, some good luck in life with certain government benefits, and a few very special people who offer love.
I am sorry for those who have it worse.
Thanks for this post. I’m 26 and it appears I’m in one of “those” suicidal stretches. I worry about my future, if I’ll ever be able to work, if I’ll be able to make friends and foster a social life that is worth living for.
You give me hope that I might still be here when I’m 61. I too am lucky to have maybe a handfull of people that still love me after everything my mind has put me through. But when they’re gone, will I be able to carry on? Those kind of thoughts scare me but you seem to have calmed my future worries, I guess. Thank you.
Today when I was having my intrusive thoughts again, I tried to divert my attention to Jamaica, we will fly there in 5 days and still I can not enjoy a moment of happiness. I realized since my last vacation last year in June I was having the same problem.
What is this that does not go away. I am stuck with the same thoughts for years, it feels like stuck in a luna parc on a carousal. That is what my thoughts and life is.
You know I’m empathetic to most of your pain. I get yelled at when paranoid cuz I should know better…according to hubby. I feel suicidal 99% of time. I am so sick of life’s ups and downs that I’m really thinking killing myself is the easiest thing. I’m sick of this disease, drs, relationships basically everything. I don’t know how or if I’ll survive today. I’m just ■■■■■■■sick of life…so, yeah I have empathy