I’m 20 right now and I’d say it all started 3 years ago with my suicide attempt with a car crash. (Yes I was crazy enough to drive my car into a tree thinking it would be the end sorry if its extremely triggering to some im just stating truth). Ever since then I’ve lost all my friends. My parents have basically given up they just financially support me. I’ve tried numerous medication (anti depressants, anti psychs, adhd, bipolar meds) none of them have helped. However I am trying zyprexa tonight so hopefully that might help some symptoms. But ever since the car crash everything has gone downhill with external life situations (friends school drugs etc.) and internally (delusions hallucinations voices etc). I’m a college student currently but i question why I even go because I feel like a failure. The world looks at me like im a leper or an abomination and I’m unwelcome to the whole world. My functioning has gone on the decline with solving problems and writing. My delusions get weirder and are always backed up by my reality. Before I keep rambling on I just want to know does it get better with time? As long as I keep pushing does it get better? Or is this some giant punishment for everything I’ve done cause a lot of times I think I am dead and this is just some twisted reality for the car wreck. My parents were too old to have me. Sorry I just had to vent this. And if this is uncomfortable for people or triggering I’ll take it off, I’ve just been having a really rough time with everything lately and I don’t want to be a nuissance especially to people on this site
I feel like that sometimes too, that I actually died in my suicide attempt and this is a form of matrix. But it’s a delusion, we are very much alive.
And I believe it does get better, we just have to have a little patience and work on coping mechanisms.
Best of luck!
It does get better. At 20 life was very tough. Still tough but eventually you will find the right medication which will help. Your story is like mine minus the car crash. I’m 25 now, finding clarity, growing as an individual and medication has helped me. Life feels more like a maze now than ever but overall it’s improved. Stay away from the drugs. If be so much better if I had stopped earlier.
time heals, i have sza 15 years, the past 5 year no bad syptoms, i feel very well overall,
Don’t worry. You’re not a nuisance. What you are doing is what this site was made for. I would work on getting stable on med’s. Zyprexa is good, but it has its drawbacks - weight gain, possible diabetes, and so on. I would see about getting stable on Geodon and Seroquel, if the Zyprexa is too hard to tolerate. All the med’s affect people differently. What is good for one person might not work for another. There are a lot of anti-psychotic med’s. I would work on finding the one on which I was the most stable and content if I were you.
I’ve taken seroquel and it didn’t really help except for sleep. Then I’ve also taken clozaril which worked too well and made me feel numb like a zombie. Just something in the middle would be pleasent. I’ll try zyprexa for a bit and see how it goes. And I try to stay away from drugs cause they only help in the moment then i feel even worse after. But being in college with sz is challenging sometimes impossible. I might try to find a support group on campus if they have one. Thanks for the support guys I at least don’t feel like a leper on this site.
I attempted suicide too only unwittingly… I thought I could walk out of the third storey window on air… I’ve suffered a few illusions that I’m actually dead. You must feel so lonely without parental support… I often do too. Hugs to you, mouse1977.
Abilify is what works for me if you haven’t tried it. I have no side effects on a high dose
80% of thereabouts of sz pts who follow the path described below report improvement of various kinds (“less frustration,” “less depression,” “less anxiety,” “more energy,” “more confidence,” “more sense of capability,” etc.)
-
Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
https://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/ -
Work with that p-doc to develop a medication formula that stabilizes your symptoms sufficiently so that you can tackle to the psychotherapy that will disentangle your thinking from reality effectively. The best of the therapies for that currently include…
DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
ACT – https://contextualscience.org/act
MBBT – https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system
10 StEP – http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html -
the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
SEPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing
SMPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensorimotor_psychotherapy -
or standard CBTs, like…
REBT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
Schematherapy – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy
Learned Optimism – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/
Your very young it will get better with time. Your story reminds me of mine i wanted to kill myself with a car running into a tree. I got put into a hospital before I could try it.
i am 22 year old and i have schizophrenia i have had it ever sence i was 12 in the beging it was very hard i was on a whole bunch of mediciation and i thought none of them work but over time it did get better and they put me on a shot called invega and it realy works ask your docter about it because it has changed my life believe me it does get better
I hope it gets better. That’s why I’m taking supplements to expedite the process.
hey. at 20 its hard to live a normal life i know iam 25 and iam on a right AP and it a shot once a month. i have been on every AP u can name off the top of you head. and you know i know what you have and what i have and what we all have. sucks but what i try to think about is this. there is pepole worse off. there is pepole who dont have arms. legs. or in a wheel chair for the rest of there life. and you have to beat the sz not the let the sz beat you allright hang in there
yes it does get better.
good on you for being a college student 
you are not a failure that is rubbish…
you seem intelligent
thoughtfull
kind.
i am sorry you are suffering, if i could take your pain i would willingly.
therapy has helped me heaps…cbt.
keep going… 
take care 
Im sorry i wouldnt know im 27yrs old diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia im jobless friendless and still living at home with my family. But i hope it does get better for the both us!
god bless
It’s not that I don’t have parental support they love and financially support me a lot. It’s that they almost deny anything is wrong with me like the car crash, depression, 2 hospitalizations, etc. never happened. All they tell me is it’s all in my head. They don’t do any research at all. I mean they are in their mid 60s, so its like I never even had parents just grandparents. Im probably wrong in saying this but I think its selfish of them to have had me when they were in their mid 40s. All the terrible things genetically that could’ve happened for having me that late. I actually consider myself lucky I didn’t end up with down syndrome or severe autism. And right now I’m living in a place heavily influenced by Tibetan Buddhism and I have nothing wrong with that belief system at all I have no issues with any belief system (unless it tells u to kill people or hurt animals), but it doesn’t help therapy because all the therapists are the yahe drinking cerebral heads and thats not the best mix with schizophrenia unless I wanted to become a buddhist monk. I came out here for the amazing campus and I used to enjoy winter snow sports. I consider myself extremely lucky to be given this chance financially because of my parents. But money isn’t anything to me anymore. Id go poor to get my mind and friends back. My only friends are music and a hallucinated bunny whos like my spiritual protection. Screw “making 6 digits,” having tons of women, going out to some strangers house to get drunk and talk to other drunk people whos conversation I don’t really care about. I just wanna do something in music like run a record store or label or venue, find love someone who gets me, 3 real friends, make a positive contribution to the mentally ill and learn to conquer this challenge called schizophrenia. I don’t want to fall off to figure out my delsuions were correct, i at least want to try to fight it. But I feel so lost and confused on how to fight especially when I hear laughing half the time. This life thing is way more confusing then what i’d thought it would be lol. Thanks for the support again guys and sorry if Im rambling. But maybe thats not my purpose is to get what i want. I think most of the time I need to learn how to live with nothing and desire nothing.
Common to me too,i got in a motorcycle acciden at eighteen, i dealt with the did i really die in it,or am i in some kind of coma,that was when i turned eightee in the hospital after they amputated my leg,it does get better as i can s as i. Am 35 now loving life,it does get better and im glad u used the word push , keep pushing, from me understanding i had to try out new meds,combos, it does get better eventually just keep pushing like you said,even at times i was laid flat on my azz,that drive to survive eventual got me better,and believe me the words push on were not what i wanted to hear somtimes,keep thriving spirit in ya even if you hav to take breaks of insanity ,
,i did
I posted this two days ago. It’s a little bit of my story. I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980 when I was 19.
Hey, when I first got sick, I was REALLY sick. Now I have a semblance of a normal life. But when I was psychotic my first two years of my illness when I was 19-21, I had no idea or clue if I would EVER get better. I remember in the middle of my suffering that I read about “seeing the light at the end of the tunnel”. And I remember getting home in my psychosis and laying on my mattress in my tiny little room in the group home I was living in and realizing that I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw no indication that me suffering would ever stop. I didn’t even plan for the future because my paranoid schizophrenia consumed me. It was my whole focus. it was what my life was about.
Well, when I was 21 years old my parents arranged for me to live in a locked psychiatric hospital. It had a hundred other very sick people. I don’t know how I survived. I got put on medication but I suffered the entire time I was there with terrible symptoms. I almost got beat up a few times and I was ALWAYS right on the edge of going stark raving mad. Well after 8 months my parents (again) arranged for me to move into a nice residential treatment home. It was very heavily structured. Through a series of small steps I got a job 9 months later, I stayed there four years.
I a few years later I enrolled myself in college while living in semi-independent living. This was around 1984. Unfortunately around that time I got addicted to crack, but I later got clean in 1990.
Anyway, I just want to say that anyone who saw me in 1980-82 would have though my case was hopeless. I sure thought so. But I have now worked for the last 30-odd years. I need only four more classes for my degree. I have lived on my own since 1995 and I take care of myself. It hasn’t been close to easy but it has it’s rewards and perks.
This morning I got up and drove to the store and bought some sodas. Yesterday, I was in the depths of despair. but that’s how life works. One day you’re up and the next day you’re down. You can’t predict your future. Just take your medication, let people help you and do what you can. I hope you get something from my story, good luck.
I’m sorry you are feeling so depressed in outlook… I can relate to that. Try not to feel too unstable and scared since you are not alone, others have suffered before u and will with you and after you. The right treatment programme will show you hope and make you feel better so that you can enjoy the luxury your parents provide you with… I understand you feel annoyed by them but try thinking how much worse life could have been maybe. You are on the right road to recovery. Take care, mouse1977
When I was at my most psychotic, I didn’t think I was a human being. I thought I was a creature of the darkness (whatever that was supposed to mean) and I thought I had no right trying to interact with all the people who were good and full of light. I was homeless and drinking myself into oblivion, and I saw no end to the suffering.
Then suddenly, I inherited a bit of money from my grandmother who had died a few years ago. Not a lot, but it was enough to get me into the hospital, and they set me up with a good psychiatrist. The roller coaster of finding the right med was long and horrible, and I still have ten extra pounds that won’t go away, but eventually I discovered Geodon. That turned out to be the right drug for me. Once that fell into place, everything else followed. Since I was happy with my life, it became easier to make friends. I even met the man I’m going to marry.
It is hard to imagine a world where you’re actually happy right now, but it will happen. You sound like you’re still motivated to try for a better life, and that is the biggest part of the battle. So keep trying. Eventually, something will start to work.