everyone leaves me. the only person I’ve consecutively had is my mom and she’s not gonna be here forever. what the ■■■■ am I going to do when she dies. I’m scared and I don’t want to think about it but I can’t help it.
I don’t want to be alone. I already feel alone. I’m scared. I don’t want to deal with anything. I want to sleep forever.
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Hey, you wont be alone, not everyone leaves you, and you’re a strong cookie you can go through whatever it is. 
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I feel you. I dont want to be alone either. Do you have any friends? Do you wanna to meet people in real life? How about join the bible study group in the church? This way you can make friends and you wont be alone. Or you can visit the clubhouse in your area to socialise with people. I hope you feel better soon.
Sorry,i can’t write too long. I am using my phone to surf on this forum.
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I have one friend. she’s moving away at the end of the month. I don’t want to meet anyone. I hurt people, mentally. I make wrong choices and hurt them.
I don’t believe in a god, religion is bs to me and churches just want my money. - no intentions to offend, but that’s how I feel about that… I am good at socializing with people, but just small talk. I don’t want to get to know anybody again.
I appreciate the time you took to reply, thank you.
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Hey I lost all my friends I ever had when I got arrested for psychosis
None of them ever talked to me again. Or saw me. You move on, you get through it make new friends. Friends come and go.
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Yeah, same as ttp, I lost all my friends, have made a few new ones though, and I’m older than you, so it’s possible.
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Friends became a thing based around convenience for me. I’ve reconnected pretty well with the people I know in this town… I’ve got a few friends in the state that I’ll speak with over the phone occasionally.
Beyond that half of the folk I know in the nearby city never speak with me. Got friends my my real life past in pennsylvania, alaska, ohio or something… Akquaintances all over the place. These are non internet friends… Still mostly don’t speak with any of them.
It’s just how it goes. Takes time to learn to accept that’s the way of things. It’s not that they don’t care, but with everyone being somewhere along their carreer path… Their freetime becomes a bit more valuable and maintaining friendships gets glossed over.
I have a lot of net contacts that are better for chatting with anyway. Often prefer it to real company, just because folks on here are a lot more inclined to be understanding. Not saying my non-net friends aren’t… But you all are willing to aknowledge the illness on an ongoing basis, while everyone else is rare to mention it. It’s about the only balance I’ve got still between juggling the two worlds… Just logging on here and reminding myself I’m not alone in this.
Take care @eyeofRa.
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You’re more likely to meet people if you get out of the door and circulate. You might think about getting a job, not just for the money, but to meet compatible people with you. I think you have a need that is over riding a lot of your thinking and the activity of your life. I can relate to that. In my case it resulted in me virtually shutting down and ending up in assisted living after years of dysfunctional living.
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I feel like nobody gets it. nobody understands that i just don’t want anything. I think about my ‘future’ because there isn’t one. and that won’t change. I know myself.
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I’m sorry you are going through this. Hang in there, hopefully you will feel better soon.
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You’re still a teenager, @eyeofRa, it’s normal to question everyone and everything. You’ll grow out of it eventually; there’s still a future for you, whether you want it or not 
Unfortunately, that’s all real world is except for the rare occasional few…
We get it - it’s called avolition and it is part of sz. It sucks big time, but you have to fight against that. Right now you believe what you believe, and only you can change that. Not us, definitely nothing we say…
NO One can change anyone Ever - couples have fought over that principal forever. Change comes from within, not outside. We just want you to know you have people here who care and will listen because that is all we can do.
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there’s no chance for that. I won’t allow it.
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If you asked me when I was 17 what my life would be like in the future, man was I wrong. Things change, we change, we grow, we learn, stuff happens, good and bad, a lot of ■■■■ and a lot of wonderful moments.
If you told me that at 29 I would be sober I would laugh in your face… But that’s what happened. A lot of heartbreak, most of my friends from that time are now aquaintaces on facebook, exboyfriends that I thought was love are now long forgotten memories, and it’s only been 12 years.
You still got a whole life in front of you.
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part of you really believes that because you feel you are losing the only one true friend you had because she is moving away. But I think part of you is searching already to fill that void. Why do I think that? Because you have gone through and liked everyone’s posts even ones you disagreed with - and that comes from the part of you that does want to connect with others.
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I do not want it!!!
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Well @eyeofRa
I am going to like you and you can’t stop me 
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the Internet is easy.
socializing, can come easy to me. but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. I hate it. I’m having such a horrible time and I don’t want to ■■■■■■■ deal with it. I don’t want a future I don’t want anything. I don’t HAVE anything going for me. I won’t, because I’m not getting my ■■■■■■■ GED I’m not going to any type of school. I don’t want a damn job I hardly want to walk out the front ■■■■■■■ door ever.
I spend all this time locked up.
I don’t like going out. what do I come back to? hell. my own lonesome mind. and it’s always worse than when I left, and now I’m exhausted and my body is sore just from simply walking 'too long’
i try so hard to be happy and it’s never ■■■■■■■ good enough
I’m not in control and nobody gets it. everyone looks down on me. Im not ok.
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