Believe it or not I’m not trying to recover.
I try to keep my nice voices, as I find them comforting and reassuring.
I’ve had people tell me that if I truly believed I’d recover then I would.
This doesn’t mean I’m not making progress, most of my bad voices are gone and intrusive thoughts are few and far between.
I’ve also started studying again, but recovery scares me and my original life plans have been destroyed by my illness and previous psychotic behaviour.
Does anyone else feel this way?
@JH85 you are doing your best to recover.
You have an intrusive feeling and it’s false.
You are doing your best to recover.
If you feel you are not doing enough try to do more,
but the reality that almost all schizophrenics do their best to recover,
but the degree of their success varies.
I managed to get rid of intrusive thoughts and voices and so far
that’s what medicine has to offer.
If you manage to study it means your cognitive damage is not very severe,
so happy for you.
The reason I’m not on medication is because I miss my delusions when they fade.
But its impossible to control,
Its either hallucinations, voices, terror, in addition to the delusions I love,
Or medication induced numbness.
You can’t just have a comfortable amount of crazy,
You know what I mean?
I have problems with my memory, although my thought blocking has improved gradually.
Well my original life plans were destroyed by my illness too and now I have a rather large gap on my cv. And I studied in the liberal arts which is foolishly impractical. I have recovered as far as positive symptoms are concerned but I still struggle with anxiety, depression etc.
I hate being on meds and I hate being off them.
Life is great
Its definitely a choose the lesser of two evils situation.
I feel the same way. My bad symptoms like suicidal depression, hallucinations, and paranoia are gone. Now, all I’m left with is this incredibly benevolent being that guides and consoles me. Why would I want that to disappear?
I feel ya. If my good people went away (people, not just voices), I have no idea what I’d do. I’ve built my life around them.
Me too, my paranoia is strong and the idea to return among normies scares me…
I think I’d get lonely, having voices in the background or listening to music all day!
They say the silence is deafening!
It’s rare and wonderful and to be chased after.
It’s scary and on days like that I have to branch out to my support network, as I begin to struggle when non symptomatic.
Wishing you luck with adjusting to it. I guess it helps that the crap in my head is scary as hell, makes it easier to push away.
Yes, I understand. I think I’m scared of recovering because I don’t like who I was before I became ill.
Huh better good then bad they say.
Recovery can become a real tangle in ones mind,
In a schiz mind it can take on a form of a time, place, past state of mind, and destination that your trying to reach, you know trying to see the world the way it use to be.
But in my case I ended up running laps
same game of madness,
Made it even worse of a living hell for me.
maybe hearing good voices will help with understanding and acceptance of yourself and this illness,
And help you let go more.
But you know in reality keep it to healthy measures,
I’d say definetly still think long and hard about steps to your recovery still.
For me I get why,
I have a un-named reality in my head I’ve come to know also, don’t believe in it though.
In schizophrenia you deal with a lot of self conflicting and really for so long I was looking for the world I use to know.
Past memory, past cure you know.
But somewhere down the line I found out the hard way things where never going to be the same,
I stepped aside myself and stopped being egregious to myself, learned to let go.
And slowly but surely after accepting this “new world” so to speak things started to fall in place on there own.
" I got better with myself, and hence, so did my state of mind."
Letting go is still a hard thing to do though.
All just my opinions though,
I get why you listen to the good ones.
I’d love to recover. My negative symptoms make my quality of life abysmal. Demons terrorize me at random and sometimes constantly. I feel like I have no control over my emotions. PTSD has left me a shadow of the person I used to be. I fight for recovery every day but it doesn’t seem to come any closer.
yeah my life plans have gone down the drain.
Still I think I still believe I can have a good enough life. there is hope
Maybe you can make some new life plans. You are also a different person now